Brain on Fire

I fear I suffer from some form of ADD. Highly functioning ADD. Nonetheless, ADD. On any given day… thoughts race through my brain.

Workout thirty minutes. No, forty. No thirty – should get to work early today. Thirty-five then. What should I take for lunch? Lunch! Need to plan class lesson over lunch. Do I have gas? Ha ha. Not that kind. Fuel. Petro. Make sure Cole hasn’t lost hat and gloves to avoid hyperthermia in case of car trouble. Does he have gas? Ha ha. Not that kind. Fuel. Petro. Tell Doug funny story about Joan at work. Inadvertently calling a bigwig her hubby’s pet name. Still makes me giggle. Oh goodness, I need to reschedule that chair delivery. And text Ann about soccer. We’re out of Vitamin D. Flu is bad. People dead. Pray. Send approved doctor list to Alex. Board meeting next week! Hair is gray. Yuck. Tell Mom about Cold Mountain. Movie slays book. Well. Jude Law. There's that. Wonder if Doug will make meatloaf tonight. When was the last time I pooped? Cole needs a job. Talk to Dad. January's half over! I still don’t have budget finalized! God, my shoes are outdated. Shopping trip in order. Haven’t seen Amy in a while. I’m never gonna finish this John Grisham novel. Do I even care about these characters? Apparently, I do. Speaking of books … need to finish a manuscript. Ten years in the making. Sigh. I wonder if Myrtle Beach is nice. I don’t have time to play piano for Mass. I can’t believe Dolores Riordan is dead. Remember when I wanted to be a rock star? It’s been three days! Three days since I pooped. Having trouble breathing. When’s the last time I did yoga? Rihanna is now the spokesperson for Puma. Wonder if she works out for thirty or forty minutes…

Bam! Something hurtles me back into reality – like Cole hurting his back. All of these random thoughts are replaced with something much more focused.

My elixir, entertaining me amidst nature & trains.

Is it broke again? How bad is his pain? How much ibuprofen should I give him? Will he play soccer again? Will he have to live with this for the rest of his life? Should we tell him to be tougher? Play through it? Or are we being crazy soccer parents too worried about his playing time? What if the cupping doesn’t help this time? I wonder if Amazon sells those cups…

It goes on. And on. My husband is a saint for living with my neurosis. He’s my elixir, really. If it weren’t for him, I probably wouldn’t realize that these thoughts will be replaced by some other urgent thoughts by tomorrow. If it weren’t for him, I’d forget that there’s always a beer in the fridge to mute that anxious, chatty Kathy living inside me. If it weren’t for him, I might never actually sit down and watch something great, like The Planet Earth – which reminds me that the world is much, much bigger than me and my shallow anxiety.

So, for all of you with brains on fire, I have a New Year’s proposal for you: Identify your own elixir. And do it quickly. No elixir you say? Then just watch The Planet Earth. And try your best to poop.

#momconversation with Joan Gubbels: straight talk on depression

One of the great rewards of being employed for a family-focused organization in a tight-knit community are the friendships developed on the job. I work in the Finance/Operations area of the Shelby County State Bank with Joan Gubbels who happens to be a double cousin of my husband–like I said, a tight-knit community! We work closely together on many projects and it’s sometimes eerily similar to working with my husband–if he would have any affinity for accounting, that is. Needless to say, Joan and I have plenty of laughs together almost on a daily basis. 

Last summer Joan experienced a personal crisis. She had a nervous breakdown which shocked everyone who knows the cheery and fun-loving person that she is. Joan has been very open about her struggles with depressions with the intention of helping others. By making more people aware of the affliction, she hopes to erase the stigma of the disease.

Here's Joan.

Quick bio (family, current job, where from):  Wife and mother.  Husband – Joe Kids, Jack – 19 Jace – 12 almost 13.  Cashier at SCSB.  Originally from outside Portsmouth but currently live on an acreage near Harlan.

  

Favorite family tradition:  Going to the lake to boat, wave run, fish, camp and make TONS of food.  As well as spending time with our lake family in Lake View.

  

Funniest kid story of late:  When my son was about 5-6 years old, I walked in to his room.  He kept knocking his private thing down.  I asked him what was wrong and he said. ‘IT WON’T STAY DOWN!’  I could hardly keep my laughter in and I said to quit doing that and it would quit standing up.  Then I left his bedroom and laughed a long time.

  

Most surprising lesson you’ve learned about being a mother:  IT is very hard to understand them and you HAVE to pick your battles about what is REALLY important.

  

Opinion on work/life Balance:  I really like my job and the people I work with but my family has always come first. Luckily I have a hubby that is understanding and helpful now.  When the kids were little it wasn’t quite that way. 

  

Guilty pleasure:  Candy Crush – having drinks with friends.

  

Last book you read that you couldn’t quit thinking about: The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls

  

Best family tradition:  Going to Adventureland with my parents and neighbors.  Going to Lake View with my kids and great family friends.

  

Favorite or most-used app:  Candy crush or Facebook

Who’s your celebrity obsession?  There are quite a few but two are older like Sam Elliot, Sean Connery in his younger years, Also, Ashton Kutcher, Matthew McConaughey

What’s your go-to movie? Anything drama like Fast and the Furious or and any love story (kind of sappy).

  

What advice would you give to new parents:  PICK your battles at all times.  Things you might think are important at the time is actually very minor.  Spend time with your kids and GO to their activities but don’t push them into doing them unless they want to.

  

How do you recharge?  Exercising or playing games on my phone.  It helps clear my mind and NOT think about things that are bothering me.

Jace, Jack, Perriann, Joan and Joe

You have communicated your struggles with depression. What would you like to say to others who also struggle? I’ve been going to counseling for years, on and off, more off than on (dumb).  I was hospitalized in my early 20s for depression and now at 46 had a major breakdown in July and was hospitalized for 2 days.  (There’s kind of a funny story about being hospitalized...now it’s funny anyway.)  None of it was fun and I wanted to give up with everything.  I seriously wanted my life to be over, on Monday, July 18^th officially, to take the pain AWAY!  Luckily I kept thinking of my awesome kids, hubby, sisters, brothers, friends and awesome co-workers (my work family.)   The reason I am writing this is I want to remind teenagers and adults as well that life is hard!  Please don’t give up though!!  Each year gets better one way or another but then you might hit 46 and it’s all still not perfect, but if you look back at the awesome kids you’ve created with awesome talents, the awesome husband you need to rely on more and love dearly with amazing talents and cares so much, 10 brothers and sisters that would drop anything to help you along with their kids, my nieces and nephews, as well as awesome in and out laws that always make me feel welcome and would love to help too.  I also have a workplace to go every day that feels or actually is your second family.  Some really GREAT friends, which are WAY too numerous to mention.  I am truly blessed.  I also have an amazing future to look forward to such as  daughter in laws, grandkids, etc.  I don’t have a deathly illness and a lot hasn’t gone my way throughout my life BUT I still try to keep looking forward.  My final and most important point is… suicide isn’t the answer… remember what you have and if you don’t have what you want, find it or fight for it. I keep trying every day.  One other point that I have to make is KEEP going to counseling even when you don’t think you need it anymore. If you have depression – you have depression!!!

Thanks Joan for sharing that very personal story. It's so important to recognize the need to get help in counseling and medication. Like Joan said, "life is hard," but it can also great. Taking care of oneself is the first step in creating a purposeful and rewarding existence.

#dadconversation with mr. cellophane

For anyone who knows my husband and me, it will come as no surprise that I introduced myself first. As a matter of fact, when I mosied over to the cute guy standing against the wall in the bar and asked, "Do I know you?", he quickly replied. "I don't think so. And I'm divorced."

I couldn't help but giggle at the sweet and shy response. I knew right then I was in love. Beyond the cuteness factor, I was startling drawn to his unassuming manner. Doug very much condones the mentality of "blending in and not making a fuss." If something is wrong with his restaurant order, I'm the first to flag down the waitress as he holds my arm down to say, "That's okay. It's fine." This attribute of not wanting to draw attention to himself and can be amusingly problematic. There's a standing joke with our friends how he's always the guy who gets forgotten. When drinks come back for everyone except Doug, we will look at each other, and mouth the lyrics to "Mr Cellophane." (Yes, my husband has been to a Broadway musical.)

In the spirit of the mom conversation series, I decided to mix it up to honor my soulmate who celebrates his birthday this weekend. It wasn't easy attaining this interview, but I somehow I did it. Hope you enjoy.

Quick Bio: I've lived in Earling all my life. Currently I farm and am married to a beautiful and talented wife (Stef) with the most amazing kids (Alex and Cole).

Note: Doug didn't actually say this. He actually said, "You know my life." I embellished his response.

Favorite Family Tradition: I don't know Honey. You mean our family? Like the four of us? Let me think about it.

Most surprising lesson you've learned about being a father?  (Laughter.) Why are you asking me this? Okay. Let's see. I think it's how much smarter the kids are than me.

Note: Alex piped in here to explain how she and Cole actually pay attention in school. Brownie points kid.

Opinion on Work/Life Balance:

Note: Here Doug scrunches his eyebrows and asks, "Why are you doing this with me? Isn't this supposed to be a mom thing? After some wifely persistence, he talks.

I do my work first. If there's something going on, I do that, then I do my work. That's all there is to it.

Note: This is the most succinct response I've received on this question...

Guilty Pleasure: Drinking beer, probably.

Note: Not probably. Definitely.

Go to Movie: Any of the Bourne's. Not porns, Bournes.

Most used App: Grower's Edge.

Note: This is an app to check the grain markets. There is no doubt Doug checks this app, almost incessantly on certain days, as most farmers do. I would also argue that the Solitaire app is a close second. 

Celebrity Obsession: Milas Kunas.

Note: There was no hesitation here. Not one millisecond. 

How you recharge: Drinking beer and spending quality time with my wife.

Note: "Quality time with my wife" was not what Doug said. I rephrased this. It's a PG-13 blog, as noted in other blogs.

Last book you read and couldn't quit thinking about: (Laugher, again, as if the question were impossible before he realized he's not all Mr. Baseball and does read occasionally.) Oh! One of the Dan Brown's.

Note: Author of the The Da Vinci Code, Angels and Demons and Inferno. My hubby likes a smart thriller.

Favorite Kid Story: Taking the kids on rides. The photos of my scared family always makes me laugh. Also, teaching the kids to drive.

What advice do you have for new parents?  Don't do it. Kidding.  I actually don't think I'm in any position to give advice. I don't consider myself an expert at parenting.

Note: Who does? But I found the honesty of this response refreshing.

Anything else you'd like to add about being a working dad? Working dad? What do you mean? Don't all dads work?

Note: Yes. True. And so do all moms. Why do we even bother with these redundant terms?

I finished the interview with Doug squeamish about the idea of being featured. Again, he's not one for attention. So, before this can be edited by my unassuming mate, I'll end with this message to him:

Doug, you're my favorite guy. A guy's guy with a nose for sports and beer. A guy who laughs easily. A guy who is unmistakably honest. A guy who loves his family above all. That's the best thing about you. That and your cute butt.

If this embarrassed you, I'm sorry but not really. Love ya to pieces, Mr. cellophane.

#momlife conversation. part four.

I'm often thankful I went for my Masters right away, pre-hubby, pre-kids. I'm not sure it would've happened otherwise. So when my friend Becky announced she was going to school to become a teacher, I was happy for her, albeit a little nervous. College isn't easy, especially when you add the role of dedicated mother and wife to your plate. But she did it. And she has a great story to tell!

Here's Becky:

Bio: I currently live in Earling with my husband Jeff of 16 years and two boys; Dalton 14 and Clay 11.  I experienced life outside Shelby County while growing up in multiple states.  Earling is by far my favorite place to live!  This will be my second year of teaching kindergarten at Boyer Valley Elementary School.   

Favorite family tradition: We really try to sit down and have meals as an entire family as many times a week as we can.  I love talking with the boys and Jeff about their day.  We love to drive around the countryside together, whether it’s in an ATV or our vehicle together.  We have some pretty fun conversations while doing so. 

Funniest kid story of late:  My boys have the best personalities!  They are completely opposite, but each funny in their own way.  Dalton always has something goofy to say or do and I love laughing with him.  Clay has a belly laugh that has been contagious from a very young age, and he is usually laughing at his brother.  

Most surprising lesson you’ve learned about being a mother: PATIENCE!  I have a type A personality; which really seems to hinder the fun times if I don’t put myself in check once in a while.  Having boys means messy rooms, smelly socks (or smelly anything to do with clothing), a lack for the details, and constant boy life habits.  Did I mention I have a type A personality?! I have learned that the mess can truly wait (to an extent!)  I cannot expect them to want things done the same way as I do.  Patience was not something that came easily to me.  I have learned to really take a deep breath and just simply let some things go!  I knew I would love my children, but I never imagined how much love you truly have for them as their mother.  I am blessed to be a mother and thank God for that daily! 

Opinion on work/life balance:  Last year was my first year away from my boys working full time. I was a full time college student for 4 ½ years and managed to make it to most of the boys’ activities while doing so.  I was a stay at home mom before that and made it to everything!  This year was really hard on me for the balance factor.  Jeff was amazing at picking up my slack this last year.  This is where and when I had to let some things go.  Family has always come first, but now, I had to make it a priority when my time was limited.  I am still a work in progress on the whole balance of both!

Comment: Having a supportive husband goes a long way on the work/life balance issue. And "work in progress" is a great way to describe every woman's attempt at balance!

Guilty pleasure:  I love to simply eat a bowl of cereal for supper.  Who am I kidding; it’s never just one bowl! And, it’s not healthy cereal.    

Last book you read that you couldn’t quit thinking about: I just finished to book “Me Before You.” I loved the book, but still thinking about the ending.  I can’t wait to read the sequel.  

Best family tradition:  We tell our children good-night EVERY night, whether we are home or we call and tell them good-night and that we love them.  I want them to have the last thing they hear from me every day is that I love them.

Favorite or most-used app:  Jane.com:  It has everything from clothes, to household items.  I love to look through it and find items for a reasonable price. 

Who’s your celebrity obsession?  I cannot say I really have a celebrity obsession, but I love movies with Reece Witherspoon.  I can spend a Sunday afternoon watching Legally Blonde and Sweet Home Alabama.

 What advice would you give to new parents:  Sleep when you can!  Also, time goes so quickly, so enjoy your children while they are with you.  You may want time to go faster, but really, it goes too fast on its own. Take time for each other. Try to make time to go on a date when you can. Your children are important, but your relationship is important also. When they are gone, it’s only the two of you! Breathe! NO ONE is a perfect parent!  We have all been there and understand if your child is throwing a screaming fit in the middle of the homily at church! 

How do you recharge?  Running! I love to run and it really does recharge me.  It is “me time.” 

Anything else you’d like to add about being a working mother:  We all make mistakes and lose our patience, but it’s important to show your children unconditional love.

Thanks Becky for sharing. Love your comments on learning patience. I'm sure there's a pack of mothers out there who completely relate!

Becky and her Boys!

#momlife conversation. part three.

Every family has those "go-to" friends, which are really an extension of your own family. When Doug and I were first married, we began to chum around with Amy and Pat Hoffmann. We've had memorable vacations together, only fearing for our lives one time. We've frequented the best and worst bars together, if there is such a thing as a worst bar. We've revived disco at each others' houses a few times. And we've laughed. A lot, we have laughed.

Amy is one of my best friends. She's like the person who can send me a one-word text which will crack me up. Her sense of humor and energy are really a feat when you consider well...five kids.

Here's Amy:

Bio: Married to Pat for 19 years. Currently work as an RN at Little Flower Haven. We live in Earling with our 5 children, Lexi 18, Dave and Will 16, Mike 8 and Charlie 6.

Favorite family tradition: Going to the zoo with my husband and kids for Mother's day. I love going to the zoo and Pat isn't a huge fan so I have figured out a way for us all to go as my Mother's day present.

Funniest kid story: I wouldn't even know where to begin. With a houseful of comedians we laugh a lot at our house.  I would say all my kids have a bit of their dad's personality and it's wonderful.  They are very witty.

Since Amy couldn't commit to a story, I'll pitch in with one of my favorite Hoffmann stories. When Amy found out she was pregnant for a third time, Lexi was 10 and the twins were 8. They sat the kids down to announce the good news. The kids were excited, thinking they were getting a puppy. When they were told Amy was having a baby, the kids burst into tears.

Most surprising thing I've learned about being a mother is how I feel about them growing up.  I have told them all many times I wish I could make them all little again and start over.  My greatest joy in life is being a mom. It's something I always knew I wanted to be.  I would have 10 more kids if I was younger and if I could talk my husband in to it.

Opinion on work life balance: I hate to say it -- I wish I was a stay at home mom.  I usually feel like I spend all my energy at my job and leave little left for my family.  I enjoy what I do and people I work with but just my thoughts on it.

Guilty pleasure: So many...  Time for myself-  OR even better time with a friend getting our nails done and having dinner or shopping. 

Note:  Amy and I often try to "schedule" girls' days. It isn't easy. We're lucky if we get 2-3 of these a year. But they are totally worth it. Even if you have to endure a bleeder during the manicure.

Go-to movie:  Many-- I love watching movies.  My all-time favorites include Pretty Woman, One Fine Day, A lot Like Love, Love Actually, Sleepless in Seattle, You've Got Mail, Pride and Prejudice, Sense and Sensibility.  I could go on and on. 

Advice to new parents: Enjoy every minute.  Snuggle lots, rock them to sleep, and relax. It's very easy to get overwhelmed, but everything usually works out. It goes way too fast so savor every moment.

How do I recharge:  Different than how some answered -- Stef will understand.  (See Ann Heithoff spotlight...) Reading, Baking- I love to bake and eat sadly.  My waist does not appreciate this.  Time with family and very rarely but a date night with Pat also helps.  I love to spend a day or afternoon with a friend shopping or seeing a movie.  Sitting on our deck with friends with drinks and great laughs.

Note: Love the parties on the patios that probably rock the entire town of Earling.

The Hoffmann's, awesome people...even in Cyclone gear.

Blog Premiere of #Momlife Conversations

Today I'm starting something new. With all of the amazing mothers I know, I decided this would be the perfect platform to publish a series of spotlights. The intention is to offer you all some insights to improve your life and, of course, make you laugh.

It's with great pleasure to introduce you to Ann Heithoff, a third grade teacher in Harlan. I got to know Ann after our sons struck up a friendship in middle school. Ann and I have commiserated on many lost, Nike teenage boy sweatshirts. Isn't it wondrous what can bring people together? Anyway, with no further adieu, meet Ann:

I'm really just a small town girl from Westphalia. I met my Carroll county Catholic boy, married him, and became an Air Force wife. We've been together 18 years.  In that time, we have moved 5 times, had 3 kids (Michael 14, Kate 13, Alex 9) and lived on 2 continents.  Then after Chad got orders back to Offutt, HE suggested we move and settle to my hometown, AND he offered to commute to work. 

Now, we live in our forever house. We go with our family to church in the same church where me, my parents, all 4 grandparents & some of my great grandparents were a part of. Our kids will graduate from my high school. And all of our kids are happy, healthy, and have great friends. How lucky can a girl get?

Funniest kid story of late:

Alex (age 9) wore Chad's desert goggles to the baseball game last night. 

Michael (age 14) told me he loves driving a tractor but isn't good at backing it up when it has a trailer. He was very concerned. OMG - who is good at that??

Kate (age 13) wants another dog cause our current dog, Molly, needs a friend. 

Most surprising lesson you’ve learned about being a mother:

Most nights, our teenagers come find us for a before bed hug. That is the best part of the day. Hugs from teenagers - the hugs that they initiate - are the best!!

Also, my 9 year old still loves being sung to and tucked in at night. What a treat!

Opinion on work/life balance:

It's hard balancing the two, but find ways to make it work for you. I am not afraid to admit that I have a cleaning lady for my bathrooms & hard floors. I pay Kate to vacuum. (Is that bad?  It's her way to earn money, right?  It's like her summer job.) 

Make time to hang with each kid - just the two of you. 

Always stop to get ice cream. Life is too short to count the calories in ice cream.   

Shop on-line!!! It saves time. 

Guilty pleasure:

Peanut buster parfait with hot fudge AND caramel 

Chips & guacamole

(Maybe not all in one setting.)

Last book you read that you couldn’t quit thinking about:

Goodbye Def Leppard (I'll Miss those Jeans) - I love that it takes place in Shelby county.  

Disclaimer: The author of this blog did not pay Ann to say that. But I'm feeling lunch is due.

Best family tradition:

Christmas Eve mass with just us 5, then lasagna afterwards. On Christmas Day going to the Goetz and Heithoff Christmas celebrations.

Favorite or most-used app:

Teamsnap - it has all my kids' practice and game schedules.

Who’s your celebrity obsession?

Bon Jovi, of course.

What’s your go-to movie?

American President

What advice would you give to new parents:

Never wake a sleeping baby to feed it!

Get a dog!

How do you recharge?

Hanging with Chad whether it's a date, a 4 wheeler ride or a landscaping project.

Morning workouts on my eliptical.

NOTE: The last response was edited to maintain the PG-13 nature of the blog. Next time you see Ann, ask her how she really recharges.

Anything else you’d like to add about being a working mother?

It's a tough balance. But it's worth it. 

If you screw up a drop-off or pick-up time, your kids will survive. 

It's ok to sometimes to put yourself first and tell your kids no because you want to go do something. They will survive. 

Grab your kids and hug them everyday - even the teenagers that try to escape your grasp. They will survive. 

Find a working mom friend or group of friends to hang out with and laugh. We are all in the same boat. I'm shocked at how many times they screw up too! It makes for a night (or afternoon) full of laughs!

 Great insights Ann. Thanks for your poignant thoughts and, of course, the laughter.

The Heithoff Tribe

Peace out.