#dadconversation with mr. cellophane

For anyone who knows my husband and me, it will come as no surprise that I introduced myself first. As a matter of fact, when I mosied over to the cute guy standing against the wall in the bar and asked, "Do I know you?", he quickly replied. "I don't think so. And I'm divorced."

I couldn't help but giggle at the sweet and shy response. I knew right then I was in love. Beyond the cuteness factor, I was startling drawn to his unassuming manner. Doug very much condones the mentality of "blending in and not making a fuss." If something is wrong with his restaurant order, I'm the first to flag down the waitress as he holds my arm down to say, "That's okay. It's fine." This attribute of not wanting to draw attention to himself and can be amusingly problematic. There's a standing joke with our friends how he's always the guy who gets forgotten. When drinks come back for everyone except Doug, we will look at each other, and mouth the lyrics to "Mr Cellophane." (Yes, my husband has been to a Broadway musical.)

In the spirit of the mom conversation series, I decided to mix it up to honor my soulmate who celebrates his birthday this weekend. It wasn't easy attaining this interview, but I somehow I did it. Hope you enjoy.

Quick Bio: I've lived in Earling all my life. Currently I farm and am married to a beautiful and talented wife (Stef) with the most amazing kids (Alex and Cole).

Note: Doug didn't actually say this. He actually said, "You know my life." I embellished his response.

Favorite Family Tradition: I don't know Honey. You mean our family? Like the four of us? Let me think about it.

Most surprising lesson you've learned about being a father?  (Laughter.) Why are you asking me this? Okay. Let's see. I think it's how much smarter the kids are than me.

Note: Alex piped in here to explain how she and Cole actually pay attention in school. Brownie points kid.

Opinion on Work/Life Balance:

Note: Here Doug scrunches his eyebrows and asks, "Why are you doing this with me? Isn't this supposed to be a mom thing? After some wifely persistence, he talks.

I do my work first. If there's something going on, I do that, then I do my work. That's all there is to it.

Note: This is the most succinct response I've received on this question...

Guilty Pleasure: Drinking beer, probably.

Note: Not probably. Definitely.

Go to Movie: Any of the Bourne's. Not porns, Bournes.

Most used App: Grower's Edge.

Note: This is an app to check the grain markets. There is no doubt Doug checks this app, almost incessantly on certain days, as most farmers do. I would also argue that the Solitaire app is a close second. 

Celebrity Obsession: Milas Kunas.

Note: There was no hesitation here. Not one millisecond. 

How you recharge: Drinking beer and spending quality time with my wife.

Note: "Quality time with my wife" was not what Doug said. I rephrased this. It's a PG-13 blog, as noted in other blogs.

Last book you read and couldn't quit thinking about: (Laugher, again, as if the question were impossible before he realized he's not all Mr. Baseball and does read occasionally.) Oh! One of the Dan Brown's.

Note: Author of the The Da Vinci Code, Angels and Demons and Inferno. My hubby likes a smart thriller.

Favorite Kid Story: Taking the kids on rides. The photos of my scared family always makes me laugh. Also, teaching the kids to drive.

What advice do you have for new parents?  Don't do it. Kidding.  I actually don't think I'm in any position to give advice. I don't consider myself an expert at parenting.

Note: Who does? But I found the honesty of this response refreshing.

Anything else you'd like to add about being a working dad? Working dad? What do you mean? Don't all dads work?

Note: Yes. True. And so do all moms. Why do we even bother with these redundant terms?

I finished the interview with Doug squeamish about the idea of being featured. Again, he's not one for attention. So, before this can be edited by my unassuming mate, I'll end with this message to him:

Doug, you're my favorite guy. A guy's guy with a nose for sports and beer. A guy who laughs easily. A guy who is unmistakably honest. A guy who loves his family above all. That's the best thing about you. That and your cute butt.

If this embarrassed you, I'm sorry but not really. Love ya to pieces, Mr. cellophane.

#badmoms #goodmoms #bestmoms

Every year I'm overcome with jealousy when I see a “Mother of the Year” award and realize all too quickly, I wasn't even considered. What's it take to achieve this coveted prize? How many children must she have? Can she work outside of the home? How attentive to her kids does she really need to be?

Last Thursday night, our local theater hosted a Ladies Night with a showing of Bad Moms. It was a splendid affair with prizes and gifts sponsored by the Harlan Theater and Megan Sorensen of Chloe+Isabel jewelry. My friend Amy and I decided to make a night of it, suffering through a pedicure and meeting other moms for drinks before the movie. It took a took a lull in kids' activities and a small favor from God to make this happen. But it did happen. Moms Night Out.

I won’t lie. It was more fun than a soccer game. The theater roared with belly laughter over the assault of one-liners, terrifically catered to mothers. There’s something deeply satisfying about watching another mom’s messy life, especially when that mom is a ten-ish Mila Kunas who happens to capture the attention of your husband as she brands whiskey barrels.

Not to spoil the movie, but a few of the lines imprinted on me:

• “We're not quitters! Quitters are for dads.”
•  
• “The best thing about a mom party is that it’s over by 11.”
• 
  
• "I love my babies so much. God. They hate me."

And a million more zingers. Really. A million.

Now, for some irony. I like to pride myself on my maternal intuition. Well, it’s either intuition or an unwarranted sense of worry, I’m not sure yet. But on this mom-movie night, as I was laughing it up with my friends, not a bit worried about the whereabouts of my family, something was happening. While I sat drinking my Select 55 at the Westside, I had not noticed texts coming in to me. Especially the one of the tornado next to the soccer field where my son was set to scrimmage. 

I had no inkling he was in danger! So much for my maternal intuition! Did it go haywire? Obviously, guilt doused me as soon as I comprehended the facts. What if he would’ve been killed? While I was in the bar, drinking? What kind of mother am I? Why did I think it was so important to go out with the girls? Did I really need to curl my hair? (Not sure why that question was relevant, but it did go through my mind.)

Bad Mom.

After  the show, I confirmed the safety of my son in the bathroom of another mom's home. Carrying a speck of guilt, we moms continued the party in the spirit the show.  Oh, it got wild. We invaded the man cave. Non-driving moms were doing shotskis. We joked about men's appendages. We passed around our phones, bragging of our cute kids. Then, at the exact same time, we moms stood up, knowing...it was time to go. The clock struck 10:59 p.m. I’m not even kidding.

There’s not a mom I know who doesn’t fret about whether they’re raising their kids right. Should I let her eat Cheetos with its red dye #6 for breakfast? How did I let him watch Family Guy? Did I shout too loudly at the soccer game? The list never ends.

Cole and I were cleaning his room this weekend when I came across a college-ruled paper with some of his scribblings. I began to read it, and instantly my heart transformed from being judgy about his filthy habits to being happy about his goodness. The paper was called, "What My Mother Means to Me." It was beyond sweet and to give you a taste of the theme, he outlined his main points at the top:

1. She listens to my gibberish.
2. She likes to talk to me.

It ended like this: I love my mom. I hope you love yours too.

Are you crying yet?

Good Mom.

A friend and I were discussing how kids can really test their mothers. It's because they know they can. They can forget their homework or poop on the carpet or feed broccoli to the dog. They know we'll still love them. No matter what.

Best Moms.

How to Watch #Baseball with your Hubby

When I met my future spouse in 1991, he told me he played baseball. I assumed he meant he played on one of those recreational softball teams which are infused with former high school athletes. When I asked when his next softball game was, he quickly corrected me. "Baseball, not softball."'

Thus, my education began.

Before we dated, I knew a little something about the sport. And I mean, a little something. Here's what I knew:

1. Three strikes, you're out.
2. A player can walk to a base if the pitcher hits you with a ball.
3. Baseball players are oh-so-cute in their uniforms.

I've come a long way in 25 years.  Be prepared to be impressed, because now I things, like:

• The suicide squeeze
• A knuckle ball
• Warning track power
• Baseball players are still oh-so-cute in their uniforms.

Admittedly, I wasn't a great student of the sport in our early years. Truthfully, I only liked to watch Doug play. When I tried to watch a game on TV with my new boyfriend, I'd be astonishingly bored. I'd try to ask questions, but here's the thing about that. Asking remedial questions to someone who's infinitely passionate about baseball is something like explaining tax law to a toddler. You tend to respond in abrupt and purposely oblique answers to quiet the interrogator. That way you can get back to the game.

I'm a strong believer in broadening horizons. And finding common interests is one of the most rewarding experiences in a relationship. So through the years, I learned the secret to watching baseball with my hubby. If you're married to or dating a baseball aficionado, here's some guidance: 

• Watch a complete inning without asking any questions. Be amused by the commentator, even if you don't completely understand the jokes.
• After picking up on some of the basics, begin to write down phrases that have perplexed you. Again, don't ask questions yet.
• Google all of the phrases you've collected–make sure to attach the word baseball to your list of phrases or you might find yourself in some sketchy territory.
• Don't try to learn everything all at once. You've got all season, from opening day in April (a big deal, btw) to the World Series in October (another big deal).
• When you begin to feel comfortable with a baseline knowledge, understanding terms such as a grand slam or no-hitter, feel free to begin light discussion of a game, IF AND ONLY IF your husband is watching a meaningless game like the Braves versus the Blue Jays.
• Don't ever laugh at reaction to a call that appears to be so heated, he must be joking. He's not joking.
• Finally, if the Royals are one out out away from losing the World Series, quietly finish watching the game in another room. Don't worry, there will always be another year, when they do win, and you will celebrate with your spouse the entire evening. That will be fun.

Doug rarely traveled before we got married. Traveling happens to be something I love to do. As mentioned before, finding common ground is how healthy relationships thrive. And it's been really, really great. Now we travel together quite a bit...to see many-a major league baseball game.

Watching da

game

#momlife conversation. part four.

I'm often thankful I went for my Masters right away, pre-hubby, pre-kids. I'm not sure it would've happened otherwise. So when my friend Becky announced she was going to school to become a teacher, I was happy for her, albeit a little nervous. College isn't easy, especially when you add the role of dedicated mother and wife to your plate. But she did it. And she has a great story to tell!

Here's Becky:

Bio: I currently live in Earling with my husband Jeff of 16 years and two boys; Dalton 14 and Clay 11.  I experienced life outside Shelby County while growing up in multiple states.  Earling is by far my favorite place to live!  This will be my second year of teaching kindergarten at Boyer Valley Elementary School.   

Favorite family tradition: We really try to sit down and have meals as an entire family as many times a week as we can.  I love talking with the boys and Jeff about their day.  We love to drive around the countryside together, whether it’s in an ATV or our vehicle together.  We have some pretty fun conversations while doing so. 

Funniest kid story of late:  My boys have the best personalities!  They are completely opposite, but each funny in their own way.  Dalton always has something goofy to say or do and I love laughing with him.  Clay has a belly laugh that has been contagious from a very young age, and he is usually laughing at his brother.  

Most surprising lesson you’ve learned about being a mother: PATIENCE!  I have a type A personality; which really seems to hinder the fun times if I don’t put myself in check once in a while.  Having boys means messy rooms, smelly socks (or smelly anything to do with clothing), a lack for the details, and constant boy life habits.  Did I mention I have a type A personality?! I have learned that the mess can truly wait (to an extent!)  I cannot expect them to want things done the same way as I do.  Patience was not something that came easily to me.  I have learned to really take a deep breath and just simply let some things go!  I knew I would love my children, but I never imagined how much love you truly have for them as their mother.  I am blessed to be a mother and thank God for that daily! 

Opinion on work/life balance:  Last year was my first year away from my boys working full time. I was a full time college student for 4 ½ years and managed to make it to most of the boys’ activities while doing so.  I was a stay at home mom before that and made it to everything!  This year was really hard on me for the balance factor.  Jeff was amazing at picking up my slack this last year.  This is where and when I had to let some things go.  Family has always come first, but now, I had to make it a priority when my time was limited.  I am still a work in progress on the whole balance of both!

Comment: Having a supportive husband goes a long way on the work/life balance issue. And "work in progress" is a great way to describe every woman's attempt at balance!

Guilty pleasure:  I love to simply eat a bowl of cereal for supper.  Who am I kidding; it’s never just one bowl! And, it’s not healthy cereal.    

Last book you read that you couldn’t quit thinking about: I just finished to book “Me Before You.” I loved the book, but still thinking about the ending.  I can’t wait to read the sequel.  

Best family tradition:  We tell our children good-night EVERY night, whether we are home or we call and tell them good-night and that we love them.  I want them to have the last thing they hear from me every day is that I love them.

Favorite or most-used app:  Jane.com:  It has everything from clothes, to household items.  I love to look through it and find items for a reasonable price. 

Who’s your celebrity obsession?  I cannot say I really have a celebrity obsession, but I love movies with Reece Witherspoon.  I can spend a Sunday afternoon watching Legally Blonde and Sweet Home Alabama.

 What advice would you give to new parents:  Sleep when you can!  Also, time goes so quickly, so enjoy your children while they are with you.  You may want time to go faster, but really, it goes too fast on its own. Take time for each other. Try to make time to go on a date when you can. Your children are important, but your relationship is important also. When they are gone, it’s only the two of you! Breathe! NO ONE is a perfect parent!  We have all been there and understand if your child is throwing a screaming fit in the middle of the homily at church! 

How do you recharge?  Running! I love to run and it really does recharge me.  It is “me time.” 

Anything else you’d like to add about being a working mother:  We all make mistakes and lose our patience, but it’s important to show your children unconditional love.

Thanks Becky for sharing. Love your comments on learning patience. I'm sure there's a pack of mothers out there who completely relate!

Becky and her Boys!

#familyvacation2016

There's rarely a day I don't have at least one fleeting thought about vacation. Where to next? Should we go there again? Kids or no kids? These questions have been frequenting my mind more so than usual lately. Maybe it's because...I just got back!

The fam dashed off to Kansas City where we 1) witnessed an MLS soccer game for the first time in 150 degree weather, 2) cheered on the unlucky world champions known as the Royals, and 3) took a sprint through the Plaza that could hardly qualify as shopping. While the trip was short, it was meticulously calculated to ensure a little something for everyone. For the most part, we achieved that goal. And I found myself contemplating how to ensure a successful family vaca. Here are some thoughts:

• Mediators (aka moms) are a necessity and must have the skill set to offer quick and multiple options for recreation. E.g, bar with cold beer, theater with funny movie, the modern jazz museum. (Always throw in that one thing you know your family will reject. It will make other options seem grand.)
• Kids have vastly different room standards than parents. Apparently in the eyes of the youth, all hotel rooms are penthouses, no matter how much hair decorates the bathroom.
• Shopping, even in its most basic form, can be achieved as long as the following statement is issued with conviction: "Ooh. I need to stop in Sephora. I'm out of ________." Fill in the blank with any phantom product. (zitsbegone. makemesmellgood. mickjaggerlipbalm.)
• You can never have enough phone chargers.
• Sleeping in the closest of quarters is one of the greatest tests of a family's love for each other. And love doesn't reflect itself as you stake your place on a bed made for 1.5 people.
• Workout clothing are appropriate for any event. THIS IS THE BEST FOR SURE! As a GenXer, I still require my kids to bring one set of nice clothes. For Cole, this means a shirt that isn't from a sports camp.
• You will never, ever pack everything you need. But pack your necessities first: migraine medicine and Breathe-Rights.
• Immediately locate the Best Buy when you need to purchase a new phone charger. Pokemon Go sucks...an alarming amount of juice.
• Someone is going to get cranky. In the words of Elsa, let it go. Let it go quickly and don't forget that oh-so-important bar option.
• Make sure everyone has the Snapfish app, so you can all download the pictures each of you took on your separate phones. (Wow! A real tip.)
• Vacation is the best time to allow nostalgia to set in. Listening to your kids retell memories of past trips gives you just a wisp of comfort in that perhaps you aren't such a bad parent.

I do love vacations. But I must confess. One of my favorite parts of traveling is coming home. I love the security of our comfy abode, and the fact I will undoubtedly sleep comfortably in our king-sized bed. I love picking up the dog from boarding to discover he does have the ability smell good. I love coming home and realizing how much I love coming home.

Siblings on vaca now.

Siblings on vaca then.

#momlife conversation. part three.

Every family has those "go-to" friends, which are really an extension of your own family. When Doug and I were first married, we began to chum around with Amy and Pat Hoffmann. We've had memorable vacations together, only fearing for our lives one time. We've frequented the best and worst bars together, if there is such a thing as a worst bar. We've revived disco at each others' houses a few times. And we've laughed. A lot, we have laughed.

Amy is one of my best friends. She's like the person who can send me a one-word text which will crack me up. Her sense of humor and energy are really a feat when you consider well...five kids.

Here's Amy:

Bio: Married to Pat for 19 years. Currently work as an RN at Little Flower Haven. We live in Earling with our 5 children, Lexi 18, Dave and Will 16, Mike 8 and Charlie 6.

Favorite family tradition: Going to the zoo with my husband and kids for Mother's day. I love going to the zoo and Pat isn't a huge fan so I have figured out a way for us all to go as my Mother's day present.

Funniest kid story: I wouldn't even know where to begin. With a houseful of comedians we laugh a lot at our house.  I would say all my kids have a bit of their dad's personality and it's wonderful.  They are very witty.

Since Amy couldn't commit to a story, I'll pitch in with one of my favorite Hoffmann stories. When Amy found out she was pregnant for a third time, Lexi was 10 and the twins were 8. They sat the kids down to announce the good news. The kids were excited, thinking they were getting a puppy. When they were told Amy was having a baby, the kids burst into tears.

Most surprising thing I've learned about being a mother is how I feel about them growing up.  I have told them all many times I wish I could make them all little again and start over.  My greatest joy in life is being a mom. It's something I always knew I wanted to be.  I would have 10 more kids if I was younger and if I could talk my husband in to it.

Opinion on work life balance: I hate to say it -- I wish I was a stay at home mom.  I usually feel like I spend all my energy at my job and leave little left for my family.  I enjoy what I do and people I work with but just my thoughts on it.

Guilty pleasure: So many...  Time for myself-  OR even better time with a friend getting our nails done and having dinner or shopping. 

Note:  Amy and I often try to "schedule" girls' days. It isn't easy. We're lucky if we get 2-3 of these a year. But they are totally worth it. Even if you have to endure a bleeder during the manicure.

Go-to movie:  Many-- I love watching movies.  My all-time favorites include Pretty Woman, One Fine Day, A lot Like Love, Love Actually, Sleepless in Seattle, You've Got Mail, Pride and Prejudice, Sense and Sensibility.  I could go on and on. 

Advice to new parents: Enjoy every minute.  Snuggle lots, rock them to sleep, and relax. It's very easy to get overwhelmed, but everything usually works out. It goes way too fast so savor every moment.

How do I recharge:  Different than how some answered -- Stef will understand.  (See Ann Heithoff spotlight...) Reading, Baking- I love to bake and eat sadly.  My waist does not appreciate this.  Time with family and very rarely but a date night with Pat also helps.  I love to spend a day or afternoon with a friend shopping or seeing a movie.  Sitting on our deck with friends with drinks and great laughs.

Note: Love the parties on the patios that probably rock the entire town of Earling.

The Hoffmann's, awesome people...even in Cyclone gear.

#breaktherules

Last weekend, soccer parents from all over Iowa escorted kids to the Iowa Games. We had the joy of cheering on the U14 boys. This also meant monitoring the actions of boys with a penchant for mischief who consider themselves on the brink of manhood.

I'm not sure how many times my particular 14-year-old said, "Got in trouble again." Hotel management, store clerks, other parents, etc. After I confirmed that no one was harmed during any of their escapades, I shrugged my shoulders and thought, oh well.

That wasn't always my attitude. There was a time, in a galaxy far, far away, when I intended to be the parent who would hold my kids to very astute standards. Early bedtimes. No pop. Ice cream only on Sundays. No R-rated movies until they're adults. That mom took a dose of reality pills and held dearly to the advice her own mother told her. "Choose your battles."

As it turns out, rule-breaking isn't the worst thing for your kids. I came across this article in the Wall Street Journal this week: The Joy of Bending Rules, which offers a refreshing perspective for parents who second guess their propensity to give in. Case in point: me. Perhaps the next time I get that call from the principal, maybe I won't break out in a sweat.

My favorite quote from the article is this:

"Rules are good to a point but if you keep them around too long, the child isn't going to learn to set his own limits."

I think there's some profound truth in this. After a weekend of testing the boundaries and navigating into just a bit o' trouble, our boys managed to take the gold. Hmm.

Oh yeah. This mom is totally boasting.