The Dining Room Table

About 1/3 of table. Plenty-o-room.

I bought a 1000 piece puzzle this year. Time with my youngest is slipping away ever-so-quickly. I thought this would be a good trick to slow it down. I did NOT think it would an easy sell. A puzzle. An old-fashioned puzzle. There'd be no shooting down enemies, performing the floss, or posing for Snapchat. But a funny thing happened. When I showed him the box, he was surprisingly enthusiastic. Of course, I was sneaky. It was a Star Wars design.

When I was a young mother, activities with my kids were items to be crossed off a to-do list – in the name of raising successful kids, of course. We read Honey Bunny Funny Bunny over and over and over again because it was critical in developing mental acumen. We took nature walks even with the threat of snakes because fresh air is important to health. We made utter messes carving pumpkins or decorating cookies because creativity needs unleashing. I wish I could go back and tell my younger self to quit thinking of raising kids as a prescribed regimen. Enjoy the messes and re-

Now that's use of a table.

hashings of a good bunny tale.

I used to get out of sorts to come home and find stuff everywhere. Shoe mountains. Seven backpacks for two children. (??) Nearly-full gatorade bottles. I was especially irritated by the dirty socks on the dining room table. Yes, gross. But in less than two years, that dining room table will be collecting nothing but dust. It's gonna be lonely as hell. The table, I mean.

I recently had the honor of writing a recommendation for someone who will be receiving an award that any mother would covet. As I wrote, I considered what a wonderful job this person has done balancing family life and career. About ten years ago, I also received an award. A banking award. My husband barely flinched when I told him. I should've considered his reaction more deeply. Did I shortchange family time by focusing so much on my career? It's a question that burdens so many of us – fathers and mothers alike.

If I could roll back time...

As Charles Dickens teaches us in The Christmas Carol, it's never too late to change. I can still eke out quality time with my kids, even if they're the ones who now need to pencil me in. As a matter of fact, Cole has already picked out a project that will sit nicely on the bare portion of the dining room table: a gingerbread house. It will probably turn out to be a real sticky mess.

 I'll love every minute of it.

Toddler Sock Wisdom

Today as I was rummaging through one of my cupboards, I came across this:

A toddler sock. Never mind my poor housekeeping skills. I was instantly sad. Yesterday I had toddlers. Now those toddlers are 21 and 17. Not that I miss wiping poopy butts. I absolutely do not. And I find great joy in watching our kids turn into fine young adults. But here's what I do miss: my unmistakeable purpose. As in wiping poopy butts.

Right now I have a disgusting cold sore in my nose. (Sorry for the gross nature of this blog post so far.) It's something that happens when I'm stressed or overwhelmed. Of course, I can't admit this to my husband, because he will accurately point out that I do this to myself. (And who can stand a spousal "told ya so"?) But he's probably right. I don't need to teach a class, but I do. I don't need to help my mother at her shop, but I do. I don't need to write a book, but I do. I don't need to work at the bank, but... wait, yes, I do need to work at the bank. My point? I seem to fill in any little crack of time to the point of cold sore or migraine hell. Yesterday, I realized why I do this when I found that little toddler sock.

Every mother either remembers or looks forward to the day she can shop at a supermarket (do people say that anymore?) without having to mediate a meltdown or worry about a pile of apples tumbling on the floor. Going to the grocery store without a toddler seems to be one of the first benchmarks of parental freedom. Before that day, our world consists of ensuring the kids are fed, bathed, schooled, soccer'd, etc. So, when I wrote my first book about ten years ago, I'm guessing Cole had learned to cut his own meat. No, that's not right. I think that was last year. But he probably, most certainly, had learned to wipe his own butt, somewhat anyway.

Wrong colors, Kiddo!

Don't get me wrong. I'm still a mom, first and foremost. But I feel like I'm more on-call than 24/7. And in between signing up for ACTs or wielding a stressed out college girl, I dabble in these other roles in my life which I completely enjoy. But that's the key: dabble. Not immerse. Dabble. It might save me on Abreva. (That's cold sore medication for those of you who haven't had the joy of pustules in your nose or mouth.)

And perhaps, just perhaps, I should be stepping up my maternal helicoptering in spite of having nearly grown children. I discovered yesterday that kid #2 is considering the wrong state university! Excuse me, I have some talking to do before the next cold sore sets in and Cole forgets his Hawkeye pedigree.

The Stronghold Approach to Parenting

In 2005, when our kids were young, a Disney movie came out called Sky High starring Kurt Russell and Kelly Preston. It's a great flick which documents the challenges of being the child of a superhero. The pressure these poor kids face! Many of them have not grown into their powers yet, such is the story of our young protagonist, Will Stronghold. Will feels the pressure most acutely since his
parents, Commander Steve (Russell) and Jet Stream Josie (Preston) are the most respected superheros in the community. Just as it seems Will is destined to become a sidekick, his power comes in. With his new, extraordinary strength, Will gets himself into trouble by having a party to celebrate. His parents are torn between being proud of his newfound power and being upset over the party. Here's a snippet of the scene:

The Commander: Son, I'm only going to ask you this –

Will: Dad, I swear, I didn't plan this.

The Commander: All right. That's good enough for me. Hmm?

Jet Stream: Steve, I've got half a mind not to let him go to homecoming!

Will: That's fine; I'm not going anyway.

The Commander: Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa. Your mom said she had "half a mind"!

I think about that scene all the time, often finding myself caught between proud and pissed. Like  Commander Steve, I can easily be convinced to let things go. Some of you might've picked that up from previous posts. I just might be the world's worst disciplinarian. Case in point:

Yesterday I'm checking on Cole's eBay account to see if anyone has bid on his indoor soccer cleats (size 11, hardly worn, great condition, call me if you're interested). As I'm scrolling through his account, I notice some purchases. Unauthorized purchases my son absolutely does not need and should not have. So we have a talk. I tell him I'm disappointed. He apologizes and recognizes the error of his ways.

I feel as if we've had this conversation before. But I believe my son has remorse. I'm glad to be done with our talk.

The same night, Cole texts me after soccer tryouts. He and his buddies are going to a town that I'm guessing is imbued with the scent of females. He also mentions he's gonna stay over at Michael's house. This is not a request for permission. It's a statement.

Now, wait a darn minute. He just got in trouble today! Who does he think he is, telling me what's going on? I would set him straight.

I called him. Texting is for the weak! I told him there was no way he could stay over at his pal's house. He wasn't out of the woods from that eBay stunt! He didn't argue one bit. I end the conversation by reminding him to be home by midnight. Have fun and be careful. Love ya.

Half a mind.

As I laid in bed on a worknight, wishing to be asleep, waiting for the sound of Cole's car to pull in, I wanted to slap myself. Be home by midnight? What about come home right now? He was in trouble!

Half a mind.

They got their powers at a young age.

Once I asked my kids why must I ask them seventeen times before they will even consider emptying the dishwasher. I got a quick response. "Sorry, Mom. You're just not that threatening." Not a bad point. I suppose my commands are undermined by the giggles I can't seem to hold back. I realize how my lack of discipline could've created a couple of monsters. Luckily, they have a father who has no problem pulling out the sternness card.

Our kids are now 16 and 21. They seem to be pretty decent human beings. Maybe not superheros or sidekicks. But good people. Maybe it was my tolerant approach, like Commander Stronghold's. Or maybe it was their father's less-than-tolerant approach, like Jetstream Stronghold's. The answer seems to lie somewhere in the middle.

Half a mind. Not a bad technique.

Full of Wonder

A rare event occurred yesterday. Actually, a never-before event occurred yesterday. Our Kramer core of Papa, Mama, Daughter, and Son walked out of a movie theater with eyes afloat. ALL of us, meaning, the tough dad who never cries was shedding tears.

You might've guessed we saw the movie Wonder – that must-see flick of the season to forget that holiday to-do list and remind yourself of the heart beating inside you. (Some people, I've heard, find this with the Hallmark Channel or actually by listening in church. All good too.)

Last week marked the beginning of the holiday sprint. Planning family get-togethers. Preparing feasts. Shopping in the fourth circle of hell, to quote my husband. I seem to be chewing through a healthy amount of heartburn medicine lately. I would tell you that my stress comes from a number of things. It was my turn to host Thanksgiving. Work is piling up with budgets and reviews to be done.  But here's the truth: it's really neither of those things. I could've served tuna casserole at our Thanksgiving and no one would've really cared as long as we had pumpkin pie. And December is always busy at the bank. In the past 20 years, I've always gotten through it just fine.

This is what I worry about most: my kids. Sure, I'm always concerned about their grades and their health. But here's the thing – I'm mostly worried if they feel loved and aren't lonely.

Thus, Niagara Falls as I watched the tale of ostracism in the most cruelest of venues: Middle School. While the performances of the kids were truly admirable, I was affected most by the authenticity of the parents (Julia Roberts and Owen Wilson). Every time they felt hurt, I felt that hurt. And when they felt the joy of their kids making new friends, I felt that joy. So I pretty much cried for the entire movie, except for the short intermission when I sprinted to the bathroom to avoid what appeared to be a heart-wrenching dog scene.

In no way am I saying either of our kids have experienced anything as cruel as being targeted because of a physical deformity. But they've certainly been left out. They've certainly been made fun of. Most of us have. And those memories don't just evaporate.

It's no revelation that people can be cruel. Wonder reminds us that we're all looking for love and acceptance. We might not be able to change the cards we're dealt. We can't control the actions of others. But we can respond. We can respond in a way that makes a difference. If we teach our kids to look beyond the surface and set aside judgement, we can spread goodness. This doesn't just apply to the kids who appear different than us – it applies to the bullies as well. Chances are, they are harboring some deep pain. It's an easy formula, really. Spreading goodness = happiness. All we need is the courage to do the right thing.

As we walked through the lobby of the movie theater, I turned to my family and said, "Talk about getting perspective." Cole put his hand on my shoulder and said, "Mom! That's a great way of thinking of it." Ah! The power of a story. Remember those Kramer tears I spoke of earlier? Well, to clarify, the tears were of joy, triumph, and wonder.

#momlife conversation. part four.

I'm often thankful I went for my Masters right away, pre-hubby, pre-kids. I'm not sure it would've happened otherwise. So when my friend Becky announced she was going to school to become a teacher, I was happy for her, albeit a little nervous. College isn't easy, especially when you add the role of dedicated mother and wife to your plate. But she did it. And she has a great story to tell!

Here's Becky:

Bio: I currently live in Earling with my husband Jeff of 16 years and two boys; Dalton 14 and Clay 11.  I experienced life outside Shelby County while growing up in multiple states.  Earling is by far my favorite place to live!  This will be my second year of teaching kindergarten at Boyer Valley Elementary School.   

Favorite family tradition: We really try to sit down and have meals as an entire family as many times a week as we can.  I love talking with the boys and Jeff about their day.  We love to drive around the countryside together, whether it’s in an ATV or our vehicle together.  We have some pretty fun conversations while doing so. 

Funniest kid story of late:  My boys have the best personalities!  They are completely opposite, but each funny in their own way.  Dalton always has something goofy to say or do and I love laughing with him.  Clay has a belly laugh that has been contagious from a very young age, and he is usually laughing at his brother.  

Most surprising lesson you’ve learned about being a mother: PATIENCE!  I have a type A personality; which really seems to hinder the fun times if I don’t put myself in check once in a while.  Having boys means messy rooms, smelly socks (or smelly anything to do with clothing), a lack for the details, and constant boy life habits.  Did I mention I have a type A personality?! I have learned that the mess can truly wait (to an extent!)  I cannot expect them to want things done the same way as I do.  Patience was not something that came easily to me.  I have learned to really take a deep breath and just simply let some things go!  I knew I would love my children, but I never imagined how much love you truly have for them as their mother.  I am blessed to be a mother and thank God for that daily! 

Opinion on work/life balance:  Last year was my first year away from my boys working full time. I was a full time college student for 4 ½ years and managed to make it to most of the boys’ activities while doing so.  I was a stay at home mom before that and made it to everything!  This year was really hard on me for the balance factor.  Jeff was amazing at picking up my slack this last year.  This is where and when I had to let some things go.  Family has always come first, but now, I had to make it a priority when my time was limited.  I am still a work in progress on the whole balance of both!

Comment: Having a supportive husband goes a long way on the work/life balance issue. And "work in progress" is a great way to describe every woman's attempt at balance!

Guilty pleasure:  I love to simply eat a bowl of cereal for supper.  Who am I kidding; it’s never just one bowl! And, it’s not healthy cereal.    

Last book you read that you couldn’t quit thinking about: I just finished to book “Me Before You.” I loved the book, but still thinking about the ending.  I can’t wait to read the sequel.  

Best family tradition:  We tell our children good-night EVERY night, whether we are home or we call and tell them good-night and that we love them.  I want them to have the last thing they hear from me every day is that I love them.

Favorite or most-used app:  Jane.com:  It has everything from clothes, to household items.  I love to look through it and find items for a reasonable price. 

Who’s your celebrity obsession?  I cannot say I really have a celebrity obsession, but I love movies with Reece Witherspoon.  I can spend a Sunday afternoon watching Legally Blonde and Sweet Home Alabama.

 What advice would you give to new parents:  Sleep when you can!  Also, time goes so quickly, so enjoy your children while they are with you.  You may want time to go faster, but really, it goes too fast on its own. Take time for each other. Try to make time to go on a date when you can. Your children are important, but your relationship is important also. When they are gone, it’s only the two of you! Breathe! NO ONE is a perfect parent!  We have all been there and understand if your child is throwing a screaming fit in the middle of the homily at church! 

How do you recharge?  Running! I love to run and it really does recharge me.  It is “me time.” 

Anything else you’d like to add about being a working mother:  We all make mistakes and lose our patience, but it’s important to show your children unconditional love.

Thanks Becky for sharing. Love your comments on learning patience. I'm sure there's a pack of mothers out there who completely relate!

Becky and her Boys!

#familyvacation2016

There's rarely a day I don't have at least one fleeting thought about vacation. Where to next? Should we go there again? Kids or no kids? These questions have been frequenting my mind more so than usual lately. Maybe it's because...I just got back!

The fam dashed off to Kansas City where we 1) witnessed an MLS soccer game for the first time in 150 degree weather, 2) cheered on the unlucky world champions known as the Royals, and 3) took a sprint through the Plaza that could hardly qualify as shopping. While the trip was short, it was meticulously calculated to ensure a little something for everyone. For the most part, we achieved that goal. And I found myself contemplating how to ensure a successful family vaca. Here are some thoughts:

• Mediators (aka moms) are a necessity and must have the skill set to offer quick and multiple options for recreation. E.g, bar with cold beer, theater with funny movie, the modern jazz museum. (Always throw in that one thing you know your family will reject. It will make other options seem grand.)
• Kids have vastly different room standards than parents. Apparently in the eyes of the youth, all hotel rooms are penthouses, no matter how much hair decorates the bathroom.
• Shopping, even in its most basic form, can be achieved as long as the following statement is issued with conviction: "Ooh. I need to stop in Sephora. I'm out of ________." Fill in the blank with any phantom product. (zitsbegone. makemesmellgood. mickjaggerlipbalm.)
• You can never have enough phone chargers.
• Sleeping in the closest of quarters is one of the greatest tests of a family's love for each other. And love doesn't reflect itself as you stake your place on a bed made for 1.5 people.
• Workout clothing are appropriate for any event. THIS IS THE BEST FOR SURE! As a GenXer, I still require my kids to bring one set of nice clothes. For Cole, this means a shirt that isn't from a sports camp.
• You will never, ever pack everything you need. But pack your necessities first: migraine medicine and Breathe-Rights.
• Immediately locate the Best Buy when you need to purchase a new phone charger. Pokemon Go sucks...an alarming amount of juice.
• Someone is going to get cranky. In the words of Elsa, let it go. Let it go quickly and don't forget that oh-so-important bar option.
• Make sure everyone has the Snapfish app, so you can all download the pictures each of you took on your separate phones. (Wow! A real tip.)
• Vacation is the best time to allow nostalgia to set in. Listening to your kids retell memories of past trips gives you just a wisp of comfort in that perhaps you aren't such a bad parent.

I do love vacations. But I must confess. One of my favorite parts of traveling is coming home. I love the security of our comfy abode, and the fact I will undoubtedly sleep comfortably in our king-sized bed. I love picking up the dog from boarding to discover he does have the ability smell good. I love coming home and realizing how much I love coming home.

Siblings on vaca now.

Siblings on vaca then.

#momlife conversation. part three.

Every family has those "go-to" friends, which are really an extension of your own family. When Doug and I were first married, we began to chum around with Amy and Pat Hoffmann. We've had memorable vacations together, only fearing for our lives one time. We've frequented the best and worst bars together, if there is such a thing as a worst bar. We've revived disco at each others' houses a few times. And we've laughed. A lot, we have laughed.

Amy is one of my best friends. She's like the person who can send me a one-word text which will crack me up. Her sense of humor and energy are really a feat when you consider well...five kids.

Here's Amy:

Bio: Married to Pat for 19 years. Currently work as an RN at Little Flower Haven. We live in Earling with our 5 children, Lexi 18, Dave and Will 16, Mike 8 and Charlie 6.

Favorite family tradition: Going to the zoo with my husband and kids for Mother's day. I love going to the zoo and Pat isn't a huge fan so I have figured out a way for us all to go as my Mother's day present.

Funniest kid story: I wouldn't even know where to begin. With a houseful of comedians we laugh a lot at our house.  I would say all my kids have a bit of their dad's personality and it's wonderful.  They are very witty.

Since Amy couldn't commit to a story, I'll pitch in with one of my favorite Hoffmann stories. When Amy found out she was pregnant for a third time, Lexi was 10 and the twins were 8. They sat the kids down to announce the good news. The kids were excited, thinking they were getting a puppy. When they were told Amy was having a baby, the kids burst into tears.

Most surprising thing I've learned about being a mother is how I feel about them growing up.  I have told them all many times I wish I could make them all little again and start over.  My greatest joy in life is being a mom. It's something I always knew I wanted to be.  I would have 10 more kids if I was younger and if I could talk my husband in to it.

Opinion on work life balance: I hate to say it -- I wish I was a stay at home mom.  I usually feel like I spend all my energy at my job and leave little left for my family.  I enjoy what I do and people I work with but just my thoughts on it.

Guilty pleasure: So many...  Time for myself-  OR even better time with a friend getting our nails done and having dinner or shopping. 

Note:  Amy and I often try to "schedule" girls' days. It isn't easy. We're lucky if we get 2-3 of these a year. But they are totally worth it. Even if you have to endure a bleeder during the manicure.

Go-to movie:  Many-- I love watching movies.  My all-time favorites include Pretty Woman, One Fine Day, A lot Like Love, Love Actually, Sleepless in Seattle, You've Got Mail, Pride and Prejudice, Sense and Sensibility.  I could go on and on. 

Advice to new parents: Enjoy every minute.  Snuggle lots, rock them to sleep, and relax. It's very easy to get overwhelmed, but everything usually works out. It goes way too fast so savor every moment.

How do I recharge:  Different than how some answered -- Stef will understand.  (See Ann Heithoff spotlight...) Reading, Baking- I love to bake and eat sadly.  My waist does not appreciate this.  Time with family and very rarely but a date night with Pat also helps.  I love to spend a day or afternoon with a friend shopping or seeing a movie.  Sitting on our deck with friends with drinks and great laughs.

Note: Love the parties on the patios that probably rock the entire town of Earling.

The Hoffmann's, awesome people...even in Cyclone gear.

#breaktherules

Last weekend, soccer parents from all over Iowa escorted kids to the Iowa Games. We had the joy of cheering on the U14 boys. This also meant monitoring the actions of boys with a penchant for mischief who consider themselves on the brink of manhood.

I'm not sure how many times my particular 14-year-old said, "Got in trouble again." Hotel management, store clerks, other parents, etc. After I confirmed that no one was harmed during any of their escapades, I shrugged my shoulders and thought, oh well.

That wasn't always my attitude. There was a time, in a galaxy far, far away, when I intended to be the parent who would hold my kids to very astute standards. Early bedtimes. No pop. Ice cream only on Sundays. No R-rated movies until they're adults. That mom took a dose of reality pills and held dearly to the advice her own mother told her. "Choose your battles."

As it turns out, rule-breaking isn't the worst thing for your kids. I came across this article in the Wall Street Journal this week: The Joy of Bending Rules, which offers a refreshing perspective for parents who second guess their propensity to give in. Case in point: me. Perhaps the next time I get that call from the principal, maybe I won't break out in a sweat.

My favorite quote from the article is this:

"Rules are good to a point but if you keep them around too long, the child isn't going to learn to set his own limits."

I think there's some profound truth in this. After a weekend of testing the boundaries and navigating into just a bit o' trouble, our boys managed to take the gold. Hmm.

Oh yeah. This mom is totally boasting.

#momlife conversation #2

We all need peeps whom we can share thoughts and challenges with. This is especially important at work, where we all spend so much of our time. I have the pleasure of working with Ann Schwieso, our Head of Retail at the bank. Ann and I have had many-a-discussion on women issues. Maybe someday all of our colorful insights will be published! In the meantime, enjoy Ann's perspective and take on life.

Quick bio (family, current job, where from):Ann Schwieso, wife of Chris; we are both natives of Shelby County (rural Harlan & Defiance).  Mom to three girls (Aubrey 9, Mia 7, Kendall 3).  Community Banker at Shelby County State Bank in Harlan, IA.  Proud Iowa State Cyclone fan and alum. 

Favorite family tradition:  Some of my favorite family memories are when we travel to Ames to cheer on the Cyclones, we like to attend football games, basketball games, and show our girls around campus.  That time spent as just the five of us is special and I hope those are memories that our girls look back on fondly in the years to come. 

We also have a family tradition of celebrating ½ birthdays with sprinkle pancakes for dinner.  Sometimes we go so far as to put a candle in the pancakes and sing.  It is fun celebration to look forward to.

Funniest kid story of late:

I have so many memories of my girls that make me smile as I recall them.  It is so fun to see life through the eyes of girls at 3 different ages. 

Most recently my funny stories involve our 3 year old, Kendall.  She is at the age where she is adorable, witty and funny in one second and on the floor mid-tantrum the next.  It is amusing that my older girls get to see how ridiculous the mood swings can really be.

Most surprising lesson you’ve learned about being a mother:  I continue to be amazed at how different my children can be.  They have the same mother and father, are all the same gender, and are being raised in the same environment, but yet they are so very different.  It reminds me that God is amazing and creates each of us just as we should be.  But it also baffles me as a mother when they are motivated by such different things, and their personalities can be so different.  It keeps us on our toes.

  

Opinion on work/life Balance:  This is a daily struggle for me.  I have guilt when I am not with my children, but when I am with them for extended periods of time I have a pull toward my career and work.  That comforts me that I am doing the right thing, I don’t think I have the patience to be a stay-at-home mom (god bless those that do).  I love my children, I really do, but patience has never been one of my strengths.   I also enjoy the satisfaction of my contribution to my employer.  In my mind I think working 4 days a week sounds perfect, not attainable in my current role/career, but it sure sounds great.

Guilty pleasure:  Chocolate, bad TV, and me time.  Speaking of me time, I am protective of my lunch hour, it is a dedicated time when I get to decide what takes place.  Some days I spend it folding laundry and unloading the dishwasher, and other days I just sit and do nothing.  I appreciate that I get to make that decision without interruption and without others schedules to consider.  I also realize that in 10-15 years this will sound ridiculous and selfish that I enjoyed an hour to myself, but for now, it is precious.

Last book you read that you couldn’t quit thinking about: I have 2.  Bloom by Kelle Hampton and Carry on Warrior by Glennon Doyle Melton.  Both books are written by bloggers that I enjoy following.  And both gave me great insight about life in general as well as perspective on parenting.  Perspective is such an important part of parenting in my opinion, just to know that others have the same thoughts and challenges, and to see how they navigated those things can shed a light on my current happenings.

Who’s your celebrity obsession?  I have had a thing for Matthew McConaughey for many, many years.  It’s okay, my husband is aware of this and somehow isn’t concerned.

What’s your go-to movie?  I love the older Disney movies (Aladdin, Beauty & the Beast, Little Mermaid) I can recite every word and sing the songs and my children only seem to mind slightly.

  

What advice would you give to new parents?  There will be days when all that you can do is get from one dirty diapers to a feeding and then back again, you will feel alone, and you will feel like you haven’t accomplished anything by the end of the day.  But there are days when you look at this precious being(s) and realize that you did this, you created this person and you get to experience life (all of it, the ups and downs) with this amazing gift.  That is when you will think back to the hectic days and remember that in midst of diapering and cleaning up fluids you DID accomplish something, and your something is incredible.

  

Anything else you’d like to add about being a working mother:  I am acutely aware that my “daily” routine will change as my kids grow.  What I consider busy now will be nothing compared to the busy that comes with 3 teenagers (pray for me).  And that as quickly as this all changes, that means they are growing up and needing me less.  I know it is coming and I know that realization will be bittersweet. 

Lastly, I think all moms (working in the home or out of the home) need a network.  Other moms, sisters, friends, coworkers, just a group pf people that you can talk to, vent to, and laugh with.  Having that sounding board is truly therapeutic.      

Wise words Ann. You could find Ann's blog at Schwieso.blogspot.com Be prepared for some darn cute pics.

The Clan of Schwieso

Fear, Faith and Fresh Skunk

Despite the cranky storm signals blasting our phones, the boys and I lingered a bit long at a McDonald’s in Council Bluffs the other night. (No french fry was wasted.) Besides, the weather seemed fine...there. Even after we left, the sky was blue. It had been a fine day and my stomach was full, rolling from the fast food frenzy.

Then, as we edged closer to home, the memory of the storm signals haunted as ominous, black clouds swirled over the sky. I even closed down Facebook to watch the weather.

As we drove deeper into scary, I did a sign of the cross and a hasty, heartfelt prayer. Once we hit Portsmouth, I suggested to my hubby we take cover at Charlene's. Do you even know where Charlene lives? Not exactly, but...Hubby shook his head and communicated his intent to avoid hail bullets on the car.

Doug's pedal floored the metal and we clipped, clipped, clipped as lightening approached us. Raindrops didn't just patter, they pounced the windshield. I felt my heartbeat speed up. I continued my conversation with God, explaining how I didn't really care about hail hitting the stupid car. I just didn’t want us to get swept away in the storm. Please God, I said, just get us home.

I had just begun to consider how impressed I was by my son, who was quietly sitting in the backseat not saying a word. Perhaps he had grown out of his fraidy-cattedness! That’s just about when I heard, “Whoa! It's storming! I've been napping!” Fear took hold–of two of us anyway.

As we turned on to the last leg of our road, I saw two bright lights from Westphalia in the distance. Whenever I see two bright lights together, I'm always overcome by a sense of calm. Because it's my sign. They are the eyes of my guardian angel. We were going to be fine.

So on the last stretch of the trip, as Doug raced full-speed ahead, we hit a bump. (I thought I had seen something on the road.) Then after a few seconds, it was sufficiently clear. We had hit a skunk. The car wreaked. And I had gone from reveling in my faith, thankful for our safety, to shallow disgust. My new car smell had been eradicated in mere seconds. Then I slapped my cheek. Hadn’t I just been telling God how I didn’t care about the car? I only wanted us to be safe! I swear I heard God laughing at me. Then I laughed at myself. Such a human.

Anyway, skunk still wafts a bit in the car. But I can handle the smell. My family is safe.

For Parents Wanting to Raise Kids Right

I've devoted much of this blog to thoughts on parenting. This week I was struck by a poignant article from Dr. Alison Gopnik who challenges the current mindset of "parenting." (Should we continue to think of it as a verb?)

Here's my favorite quote from the article, from this weekend's edition of the Wall Street Journal:

"Love doesn’t have goals or benchmarks or blueprints, but it does have a purpose. Love’s purpose is not to shape our beloved’s destiny but to help them shape their own."

Here's a link to the entire article:
a-manifesto-against-parenting

Have a great week and love your kids.

Bad Parent

This week I decided that I will definitely never win the mother of the year award. Never. As a matter of fact, if I were to grade myself in a number of areas, here's how it would go:

Assignment of Chores:  C-
Comments:  I often start off Gung Ho on some sort of chore routine, thinking that the kids will zoom off on their own laundry folding schedule without my direction. But their sense of responsibilities continue to be under-developed.  They never smell an overflowing sink of dirty dishes or see the dog needing fed WITHOUT A BRASH AND OVERT LIST. And sometimes that doesn't even work. Poor dog. No wonder Percy has to beg all the time.

Ability to Say No: D 
Comments:  No, I don't let them play with matches or anything like that. But all of the sudden I've noticed an overwhelming sense of entitlement in the Kramer children. When I was a kid, going to McDonald's was a huge treat. Nowadays, it's an expectation. (In our household, Applebee's has become the new McDonald's.) Last weekend, I let my children talk me into taking them to the city for a "fun" little shopping trip. Fun? What was I thinking? It took me approximately thirty seconds to regret the idea. Spending money on clothes for my kids that I don't like feels like stuffing money down the garbage disposal. You see? The problem. My money. My inability to say no.

Nutrition: C+
Comments:  I wish we ate less frozen pizza, less red meat, less Oreos, less frozen waffles. I wish we ate more asparagus, more watermelon - more real food in general. I do. I really, really do wish that.

Homework: A
Comments:  My allegiance to academics prevail here. Only when the kids pull one over on me with the "I don't have a test tomorrow" bit, do I fail in this area...much to my chagrin.

Hygienic Instruction: B- 
Comments:  How long are those toenails? Are you really using shampoo? No! That's the body wash! You can't wear socks two days in a row...three days you say? You have no clean socks in your drawer? Really?

Oh sure, they're cute. It's part of my problem.

My kids are happy and there's something to say about that. But I also want ensure that I'm raising functional, contributing citizens of society. So my parenting style...could it be described as lazy?  Maybe even lacking of courage? I don't spend much time with them by the time I get home from work. So, every moment I have with them is used in the name of efficiency. I have no aspirations of being a tiger mom. Love, obviously, is the non-negotiable. But perhaps I need to, at the very least, show some fang to my cubs. Parents out there? What do you think? What advice do you have to make these kids show a bit of responsibility...clean rooms, music practiced, shoes put away, etc.

Chef Kramerre'

It could be the previews of Julie and Julia. Or the fact I want my family to eat better. Or that I want to expand my horizons. But the truth is I'm just plain sick of eating out. Thus, my quest continues to improve my cooking skills.

So the other day I'm at the check-out line and a Rachel Ray magazine catches my attention. Supposedly there's a killer ribs recipe hiding in between the pages. Now I've never tried to make ribs, but I thought to myself, "why not?"

After thumbing through the pages of Rachel Ray (and let me tell you there's much more to Rachel Ray than cooking!), I find there are many cheeses, spices and flavored vinegars I've never heard of. This is where I start to get hung up. How can I cook if I don't even understand the ingredient list? But I'm not giving up yet. I've written down all of the ingredients for the ribs and the only things I can't find in the store are sweet-smoked paprika (so I buy paprika with the intent of sweet smoking it myself) and honey. I do know what honey is, but heck if I can find it. No worry. We have some bees flying around the house.

I'm thinking the key to cooking is patience. So, every experiment is a pretty darn good exercise for me. I realize that the skill won't be developed over night...take today for example.

...Alex and I decided to bring an Angel Food cake to our family reunion today. This particular recipe (a mix) instructs us to simply add water. No sweat. But something happens and the mix begins to run through the angel food cake pan (inherited from my grandmother). I still don't know what happened, but the mix was kindling a fire in the oven. Because of my quick thinking, I took the mix out and we immediately put the half-cooked batter into muffins tins. Apparently, not only do you need patience, but you need a little ingenuity!

So after putting the muffin tins back in the oven and waiting another twenty minutes, Alex notices that we have forgotten to turn the oven back on. Oh, well...what could that hurt? Again, another test of patience.

Finally, after tiring of the burning angel food cake smell, we retrieve our angel food cupcake experiment from the oven. They are, well, quite interesting. Maybe they will taste okay...

I take a bite. Certainly, it is the crunchiest angel food I've ever had. It really doesn't taste too bad. But rather than face another gathering of people politely look past my dish, I think we'll bring ice cream to the reunion...

I'll keep you posted on how the ribs turn out.

Lessons to be learned from Daughters

I’m visiting with Alex about her environmental project for science. She had to analyze the impact of letting water run while you brush your teeth.

“So, how’d ya do?”

“Well, most kids just measured the amount of water by inches in the sink, like I did at first. I was the only one who actually measured the capacity.”

I’m beaming with pride. “So, did you get the highest marks?”

She shrugs. “I don’t know. I got good marks.”

“But were they the highest marks in the class?”

Shrugs again, “Hannah’s might have been better.”

“Oh, really?" I inquire, wondering how Alex could have done even better. "What did Hannah do to get higher marks?”

“I don't know, Mom! I did good. That’s all I care about.”

Nothing like having a well-balanced daughter to set me straight. I’ve learned, most recently, in a profile assessment that I’m plagued with a personality trait called perfectionism. CLARIFICATION: This doesn’t mean I have a tidy house, for those of you who know me well… There are many versions of perfectionism – my particular form has to do with certain things never quite being good enough. Apparently a few of my standards are unrealistic.

So, I stop the conversation. Then I hug my daughter. "I love you, Alex. Great job on the assignment."

If she doesn't grow up hating me, it will be a miracle. Luckily, I believe in miracles.

The Food Protection Program

Apparently, I needed confirmation from other mothers that it's okay to eat the last piece. I especially like Suzy's response -- just cut a sliver around the edges. Perfect! Okay, this is what prompted the survey...


The other night the kids stayed at my parents while Doug worked and I attended a meeting. Mom was hosting her Bridge Club, as the kids watched TV in the other room. When I came to pick up the kids, Mom was just getting ready to serve dessert. As usual, Alex and Cole dawdled, converting a two-minute exit into a fifteen minute trek to the car. Alex was particularly slow – and that is saying something because she is always particularly slow. It wasn’t until we were finally driving home when I felt the wrath of Alex’s anger. (Yes, this is my sweet, always full of sunshine girl.)

“Why couldn’t we have waited two minutes for the strawberry dessert!” Alex roared.

“Honey, that dessert wasn’t even for us – it was for Grandma’s guests anyway.”

“I’m SURE there would have been enough for us.” Then the pout began.

It freaks me out. My roommates (Doug, Alex and Cole) are SO passionate about their food. There are certain foods I won’t even purchase to circumvent combat. Zebra cakes? Nope. Powdered Donuts? Don’t need the mess anyway. Lofthouse sugar cookies. Don’t even go there.

Of course the problem occurs when only a crumb of a treat remains. Sparks fly! “Who ate the last piece? Dad! Did you do it? I only had, like, three of them!”

Of course, I usually don’t partake in any of it to avoid being implicated. (It helps on calorie intake as well.) But it still just blows my mind to see how protective of food they can be.

Well, some food. Only rich, fatty desserts come to think of it. There never seems to be an issue when I eat the last carrot. Go figure.

Spring Celebration!

It's spring. Yahoo! And reasons to celebrate just keep multiplying...

1. The Twilight DVD arrived three days before the release date. And Amazon gave me some sort of $5 discount. Yahoo! Doug explains the phenomenon by pointing out the frequency of purchases from my favorite web-retailer.
2. Coldplay decided to surprise me for my 40th birthday by playing at the Qwest in June! Yahoo! Do you suppose Chris Martin will be singing happy birthday to me?
3. My newest book club friends decided to read one of my suggestions – Snowflower and the Secret Fan. Yahoo! I hope they like it and don’t kick me out of the group.
4. Flowers are popping out of the ground. Yahoo! I can’t even kill them yet.
5. It’s Sunday afternoon and I haven’t had a headache since early yesterday morning. Yahoo. Knock, knock, knock on wood.
6. Jim Zimmerman won a customer service award at the Chamber Banquet Friday night. Yahoo! Denise Reinig won last year – the Shelby County State Bank has a pretty good run going.
7. After taking a personality test, it turns out that all four of us Kramers are INTROVERTED! Who'da thought? Yahoo!
8. Mom, aka Rubi J has the most adorable new line of organic cotton T's. Yahoo! Watch for some upcoming deals...
8. Flash, my hamster, I mean Cole's hamster is still alive and seems to be growing into a big, fat guinea pig! Yahoo! He’s so cute. Wait speaking of Flash…

It was brought to my attention that Flash receives more blogging time than my very own father. So, here goes. Dad, you’re the best. You’re funny and look way younger than your 62 (?) years of age. I’m so proud of all the motorcycles you have rebuilt and hope someday I’ll be able to rebuild a 1934 JD Indian Panhead, just like you.

Yahoo!