#momlife conversation #2

We all need peeps whom we can share thoughts and challenges with. This is especially important at work, where we all spend so much of our time. I have the pleasure of working with Ann Schwieso, our Head of Retail at the bank. Ann and I have had many-a-discussion on women issues. Maybe someday all of our colorful insights will be published! In the meantime, enjoy Ann's perspective and take on life.

Quick bio (family, current job, where from):Ann Schwieso, wife of Chris; we are both natives of Shelby County (rural Harlan & Defiance).  Mom to three girls (Aubrey 9, Mia 7, Kendall 3).  Community Banker at Shelby County State Bank in Harlan, IA.  Proud Iowa State Cyclone fan and alum. 

Favorite family tradition:  Some of my favorite family memories are when we travel to Ames to cheer on the Cyclones, we like to attend football games, basketball games, and show our girls around campus.  That time spent as just the five of us is special and I hope those are memories that our girls look back on fondly in the years to come. 

We also have a family tradition of celebrating ½ birthdays with sprinkle pancakes for dinner.  Sometimes we go so far as to put a candle in the pancakes and sing.  It is fun celebration to look forward to.

Funniest kid story of late:

I have so many memories of my girls that make me smile as I recall them.  It is so fun to see life through the eyes of girls at 3 different ages. 

Most recently my funny stories involve our 3 year old, Kendall.  She is at the age where she is adorable, witty and funny in one second and on the floor mid-tantrum the next.  It is amusing that my older girls get to see how ridiculous the mood swings can really be.

Most surprising lesson you’ve learned about being a mother:  I continue to be amazed at how different my children can be.  They have the same mother and father, are all the same gender, and are being raised in the same environment, but yet they are so very different.  It reminds me that God is amazing and creates each of us just as we should be.  But it also baffles me as a mother when they are motivated by such different things, and their personalities can be so different.  It keeps us on our toes.

  

Opinion on work/life Balance:  This is a daily struggle for me.  I have guilt when I am not with my children, but when I am with them for extended periods of time I have a pull toward my career and work.  That comforts me that I am doing the right thing, I don’t think I have the patience to be a stay-at-home mom (god bless those that do).  I love my children, I really do, but patience has never been one of my strengths.   I also enjoy the satisfaction of my contribution to my employer.  In my mind I think working 4 days a week sounds perfect, not attainable in my current role/career, but it sure sounds great.

Guilty pleasure:  Chocolate, bad TV, and me time.  Speaking of me time, I am protective of my lunch hour, it is a dedicated time when I get to decide what takes place.  Some days I spend it folding laundry and unloading the dishwasher, and other days I just sit and do nothing.  I appreciate that I get to make that decision without interruption and without others schedules to consider.  I also realize that in 10-15 years this will sound ridiculous and selfish that I enjoyed an hour to myself, but for now, it is precious.

Last book you read that you couldn’t quit thinking about: I have 2.  Bloom by Kelle Hampton and Carry on Warrior by Glennon Doyle Melton.  Both books are written by bloggers that I enjoy following.  And both gave me great insight about life in general as well as perspective on parenting.  Perspective is such an important part of parenting in my opinion, just to know that others have the same thoughts and challenges, and to see how they navigated those things can shed a light on my current happenings.

Who’s your celebrity obsession?  I have had a thing for Matthew McConaughey for many, many years.  It’s okay, my husband is aware of this and somehow isn’t concerned.

What’s your go-to movie?  I love the older Disney movies (Aladdin, Beauty & the Beast, Little Mermaid) I can recite every word and sing the songs and my children only seem to mind slightly.

  

What advice would you give to new parents?  There will be days when all that you can do is get from one dirty diapers to a feeding and then back again, you will feel alone, and you will feel like you haven’t accomplished anything by the end of the day.  But there are days when you look at this precious being(s) and realize that you did this, you created this person and you get to experience life (all of it, the ups and downs) with this amazing gift.  That is when you will think back to the hectic days and remember that in midst of diapering and cleaning up fluids you DID accomplish something, and your something is incredible.

  

Anything else you’d like to add about being a working mother:  I am acutely aware that my “daily” routine will change as my kids grow.  What I consider busy now will be nothing compared to the busy that comes with 3 teenagers (pray for me).  And that as quickly as this all changes, that means they are growing up and needing me less.  I know it is coming and I know that realization will be bittersweet. 

Lastly, I think all moms (working in the home or out of the home) need a network.  Other moms, sisters, friends, coworkers, just a group pf people that you can talk to, vent to, and laugh with.  Having that sounding board is truly therapeutic.      

Wise words Ann. You could find Ann's blog at Schwieso.blogspot.com Be prepared for some darn cute pics.

The Clan of Schwieso

Fear, Faith and Fresh Skunk

Despite the cranky storm signals blasting our phones, the boys and I lingered a bit long at a McDonald’s in Council Bluffs the other night. (No french fry was wasted.) Besides, the weather seemed fine...there. Even after we left, the sky was blue. It had been a fine day and my stomach was full, rolling from the fast food frenzy.

Then, as we edged closer to home, the memory of the storm signals haunted as ominous, black clouds swirled over the sky. I even closed down Facebook to watch the weather.

As we drove deeper into scary, I did a sign of the cross and a hasty, heartfelt prayer. Once we hit Portsmouth, I suggested to my hubby we take cover at Charlene's. Do you even know where Charlene lives? Not exactly, but...Hubby shook his head and communicated his intent to avoid hail bullets on the car.

Doug's pedal floored the metal and we clipped, clipped, clipped as lightening approached us. Raindrops didn't just patter, they pounced the windshield. I felt my heartbeat speed up. I continued my conversation with God, explaining how I didn't really care about hail hitting the stupid car. I just didn’t want us to get swept away in the storm. Please God, I said, just get us home.

I had just begun to consider how impressed I was by my son, who was quietly sitting in the backseat not saying a word. Perhaps he had grown out of his fraidy-cattedness! That’s just about when I heard, “Whoa! It's storming! I've been napping!” Fear took hold–of two of us anyway.

As we turned on to the last leg of our road, I saw two bright lights from Westphalia in the distance. Whenever I see two bright lights together, I'm always overcome by a sense of calm. Because it's my sign. They are the eyes of my guardian angel. We were going to be fine.

So on the last stretch of the trip, as Doug raced full-speed ahead, we hit a bump. (I thought I had seen something on the road.) Then after a few seconds, it was sufficiently clear. We had hit a skunk. The car wreaked. And I had gone from reveling in my faith, thankful for our safety, to shallow disgust. My new car smell had been eradicated in mere seconds. Then I slapped my cheek. Hadn’t I just been telling God how I didn’t care about the car? I only wanted us to be safe! I swear I heard God laughing at me. Then I laughed at myself. Such a human.

Anyway, skunk still wafts a bit in the car. But I can handle the smell. My family is safe.

Blog Premiere of #Momlife Conversations

Today I'm starting something new. With all of the amazing mothers I know, I decided this would be the perfect platform to publish a series of spotlights. The intention is to offer you all some insights to improve your life and, of course, make you laugh.

It's with great pleasure to introduce you to Ann Heithoff, a third grade teacher in Harlan. I got to know Ann after our sons struck up a friendship in middle school. Ann and I have commiserated on many lost, Nike teenage boy sweatshirts. Isn't it wondrous what can bring people together? Anyway, with no further adieu, meet Ann:

I'm really just a small town girl from Westphalia. I met my Carroll county Catholic boy, married him, and became an Air Force wife. We've been together 18 years.  In that time, we have moved 5 times, had 3 kids (Michael 14, Kate 13, Alex 9) and lived on 2 continents.  Then after Chad got orders back to Offutt, HE suggested we move and settle to my hometown, AND he offered to commute to work. 

Now, we live in our forever house. We go with our family to church in the same church where me, my parents, all 4 grandparents & some of my great grandparents were a part of. Our kids will graduate from my high school. And all of our kids are happy, healthy, and have great friends. How lucky can a girl get?

Funniest kid story of late:

Alex (age 9) wore Chad's desert goggles to the baseball game last night. 

Michael (age 14) told me he loves driving a tractor but isn't good at backing it up when it has a trailer. He was very concerned. OMG - who is good at that??

Kate (age 13) wants another dog cause our current dog, Molly, needs a friend. 

Most surprising lesson you’ve learned about being a mother:

Most nights, our teenagers come find us for a before bed hug. That is the best part of the day. Hugs from teenagers - the hugs that they initiate - are the best!!

Also, my 9 year old still loves being sung to and tucked in at night. What a treat!

Opinion on work/life balance:

It's hard balancing the two, but find ways to make it work for you. I am not afraid to admit that I have a cleaning lady for my bathrooms & hard floors. I pay Kate to vacuum. (Is that bad?  It's her way to earn money, right?  It's like her summer job.) 

Make time to hang with each kid - just the two of you. 

Always stop to get ice cream. Life is too short to count the calories in ice cream.   

Shop on-line!!! It saves time. 

Guilty pleasure:

Peanut buster parfait with hot fudge AND caramel 

Chips & guacamole

(Maybe not all in one setting.)

Last book you read that you couldn’t quit thinking about:

Goodbye Def Leppard (I'll Miss those Jeans) - I love that it takes place in Shelby county.  

Disclaimer: The author of this blog did not pay Ann to say that. But I'm feeling lunch is due.

Best family tradition:

Christmas Eve mass with just us 5, then lasagna afterwards. On Christmas Day going to the Goetz and Heithoff Christmas celebrations.

Favorite or most-used app:

Teamsnap - it has all my kids' practice and game schedules.

Who’s your celebrity obsession?

Bon Jovi, of course.

What’s your go-to movie?

American President

What advice would you give to new parents:

Never wake a sleeping baby to feed it!

Get a dog!

How do you recharge?

Hanging with Chad whether it's a date, a 4 wheeler ride or a landscaping project.

Morning workouts on my eliptical.

NOTE: The last response was edited to maintain the PG-13 nature of the blog. Next time you see Ann, ask her how she really recharges.

Anything else you’d like to add about being a working mother?

It's a tough balance. But it's worth it. 

If you screw up a drop-off or pick-up time, your kids will survive. 

It's ok to sometimes to put yourself first and tell your kids no because you want to go do something. They will survive. 

Grab your kids and hug them everyday - even the teenagers that try to escape your grasp. They will survive. 

Find a working mom friend or group of friends to hang out with and laugh. We are all in the same boat. I'm shocked at how many times they screw up too! It makes for a night (or afternoon) full of laughs!

 Great insights Ann. Thanks for your poignant thoughts and, of course, the laughter.

The Heithoff Tribe

Peace out.

For Parents Wanting to Raise Kids Right

I've devoted much of this blog to thoughts on parenting. This week I was struck by a poignant article from Dr. Alison Gopnik who challenges the current mindset of "parenting." (Should we continue to think of it as a verb?)

Here's my favorite quote from the article, from this weekend's edition of the Wall Street Journal:

"Love doesn’t have goals or benchmarks or blueprints, but it does have a purpose. Love’s purpose is not to shape our beloved’s destiny but to help them shape their own."

Here's a link to the entire article:
a-manifesto-against-parenting

Have a great week and love your kids.

#pigtails

I’m not sure when it began, but something tells me it has to do with Pippi Longstocking. Or Cindy Brady. But for as long as I can remember, I’ve had a penchant for pigtails. Now that my hair has grown out again, I’m asking myself…well? Gonna do it?

The option of pigtailing my daughter’s hair was stunted early in my motherhood. Her tender scalp and vociferous objections made brushing nearly impossible. Anything beyond a gentle finger comb was received with a scolding from a very articulate 3-year-old. Obviously, this was disappointing. I mean, all of those years of practicing on my Crissy doll were basically a waste of time.

Periodically, my now college-age girl, will let me play with her hair–as long as she has no plans of going out or seeing anyone worthwhile, which I don't understand because the pigtails are simply smashing on her. Hardly any difference in the cute factor when comparing her toddler days and now.

I did that hair.

I did that hair.

Yet, the jury is still out how the pigtails projects on a middle-ager. At one time, I know I rocked it:

One of my more photogenic moments.

But what about now?

Once when I was in college, my mother had taken me shopping and I was on a mission to purchase a pair of Keds tennis shoes. As we sorted through style options, Mom excitedly pulled out a pair of red ones. Red ones? I specifically remember telling my mother I was much too old for such ostentatiousness. And I was at the age when you can get away with ostentatious! Twenty-years old? I should’ve been wearing those red tennis shoes with a bikini. Sure, I've always leaned on the conservative side, but I think back to that story (and many others) and realize how early insecurities are formed. And it obviously wasn't coming from my mother who was pushing the red shoes.

Thus, the debate of my pigtailed-self continues. Should I or shouldn’t I? Maybe I should fast-forward forty years when I’m 87. I’ll think back to that day when I was 47, and I’ll say, “Of course you should’ve done the damn pigtails! You were only a kid then!”

Okay. Maybe. At least, around the house for a start.

Pippi, eat your heart out.

The Writer in Me #BookGiveaway

In 2005 I decided to start writing. No cataclysmic event occurred. My family was healthy. My job was good. No tragedy had left me tarnished. But an epiphany came one day as I was carefully crafting a work memo and trying to avoid the dull cast of business writing. After I finished the memo, I thought to myself, I like doing that. Writing. I like writing. I should do it more often. Thus, a blog and the idea of a book was born. I won’t lie. The thought of becoming a rich and famous author certainly appealed to me. It still does. But it’s not the reason I continue to write. Obviously.

The hobby isn’t particularly easy. I’ve written and rewritten four books now. I’ve self-published after receiving a million+ rejections from agents. I’ve kept up a blog despite an unending stream of "other" responsibilities. I assembled somewhat of a website without any real technical knowledge. I’ve taken several writing courses and read several writing books, even though I (AHEM) already knew how to write as an English major from U of Iowa. I’ve spent hours pondering a sentence or a word only to realize it's well past my bedtime. There are days when I wonder why am I even doing this. Wouldn’t it be better for me to be doing something else? Like cleaning the grime off my floors? The answer to that is clearly no. Not so much because I hate cleaning floors, but because something always happens to keep me motivated to write.

Someone laughs about a blog post. I receive a notice from Amazon about a book I sold. ($3 coming my way!) A short story gets published. An agent sends me an encouraging note. My self-published book gets a positive Kirkus review. After ten years of exploring this elusive world of writing and publishing, I do actually experience small victories which make my heart happy. It’s like God is whispering in my ear, “See? Keep it up Sport.” Oh gosh. Maybe it's F. Scott Fitzgerald whispering to me.

Some writers will say they don’t care if anyone reads their stuff. It’s just therapy for them. I get that…sort of. Okay. Not really. While I do find writing therapeutic, I totally want my stuff to be read! I want my thoughts to be heard…for the same reasons I like to read. Perhaps my writings will:

a) begin a compelling conversation or,

b) make someone happy by relating a foible or,

c) incite people to think about something I believe is important, or

d) expand someone’s vocabulary by using words such as verisimilitude. (You won’t find that word in any of my blogs or books, btw.)

I have not become a rich nor famous writer. But I’m grateful to have a hobby which challenges my mind and allows me to be creative. Everyone should have at least one such outlet. If it's your job, awesome. But if it's not, find something else. Maybe you aspire to be a great golfer, but you avoid the golf course because you have no idea how to keep your ball on the fairway. I say embrace the sandpits and focus on the nice chip shots.

Thanks to each of you for being loyal readers. In appreciation, I'd like to offer you a free copy of Goodbye Def Leppard (I'll Miss Those Jeans). Just respond to this post and I'll line you up. This deal is good until the 4th of July.

Peace and Love.

One Moment

This week my son graduated from 8th grade. In many parts of the world this might not be a big deal, but our community is adoringly focused on celebrating our kids’ milestones. Not only do we love our kids, but we can’t help but dote. As a matter of fact, I would argue our high school graduation parties tend to rival weddings. Not that I don't feed right into this. Certainly the love we shower among the village kids will create good juju when sending them off into the world. It’s all very good energy. 

Unless, maybe, it isn’t.

My son had already gone off with friends as hubby and I left the 8^th grade graduation reception. My feelings of pride and joy quickly dissipated when I noticed a lone 8^th grader sitting on the bench, waiting for the bus. He was politely sifting through his folder of accomplishments. He wasn’t dressed up as many were that day, wearing the typical uniform of a 14-year-old boy: sweatshirt and jeans. My first assumption was that his parents couldn’t make it—understandable since the event took place at 1:30 in the afternoon on a Monday. But the thought of a boy not having anyone there to support him or give him a hug made me instantly and utterly sad. The auditorium, you see, had been flooded with parents, grandparents, siblings, and friends.

So what did I do?

Nothing. I did not walk over to wish congratulations.  I didn't shout out good luck in high school. I didn't even tell him to have a nice summer. What prevented me from reaching out with a gesture of kindness? I’m not sure, except perhaps I didn’t want to seem creepy. But I have relived it, over and over in my head.

The point of this blog is perhaps a confession for my lack of action. And perhaps it’s a call to be on guard. If you have a chance to perform any small act of good will, don’t hesitate. The kid might have been perfectly content and ready to celebrate with his family and other friends that night. But he might’ve been lonely and feeling isolated. The next time I jump in my time traveler, I’ll offer him warm wishes. In the meantime, I’ll continue to pray for him–and for all people to show more love. 

Peace. 

Congrats to Cole–and every single kid to cross the stage. Any stage.