Four Tickets to Paradise

So, this is paradise.

That was my thought twelve years ago when we went to Cancun with friends. In our late thirties at the time, Doug and I promised we wouldn't let our passports expire. Never! We were gonna travel the world! But then, you know... life. We discovered quickly it was much easier to travel domestically with kids. So, now, with the kids nearly grown, we decided to return to that beautiful place where rum flows like water. Good water, not from Mexico.

The adventure really began in the airport. Before going through security, I asked Cole (several times) if he had any liquids in his bag. "No! No! Of course not." Then he got that questioning look on his face. "Wait. Is toothpaste a liquid?" We chuckled and assured him he would be fine. I was actually impressed he remembered toothpaste. Then we went through, shoes off, electronics and bags in the trays, and waited for our stuff. Cole's duffle bag was being held back. We watched as Mr. TSA pulled out a full bottle of shampoo. Then a full bottle of body wash. Cole tried to explain to Mr. TSA, "Oh, those are really old." Yeah. The argument didn't hold so well. TSA guy tossed the bottles, with a sly smirk on his face. Well, at least Cole wasn't paged over the loud speaker to retrieve his boarding pass that was found on the ground. This time.

Alex's screening wasn't exactly smooth either. She began to tell me the story. Not having seen our daughter for nearly two months, I was struck how her sweet, rosy cheeks reminded me of her innocent toddler days. She continued her story. As it turned out, she was asked if she was wearing any metal in (ahem) a delicate, bra-line area. Her mother told her that no good would come of that type of piercing. But it did bring us a good laugh.

They grow up so fast.

waves crashing

Then the adventure continued.

I discovered quickly that the trick to mastering Zumba is to perform the sexy dance moves in water. I was actually quite good. Well, I felt like I was quite good. My confidence was quickly dismantled during a heated game of keep-away in which I pulled my Achilles. I had to drop out. I slunk back to my beach chair and read with the other moms while the other fathers played with their kids in the pool.

Not only did I excel in Zumba, but I clearly mastered the art of sunscreen... unlike the rest of my family. While Doug might be a pro in the game of keep-away, he's challenged in the area of sunscreen. In his defense, the sun in Iowa isn't nearly as powerful as the sun in the Yukatan. Hardly ever the self-conscious type, he was very concerned by the streaky burn on his chest. I assured and assured and assured him that it didn't look bad. Then some old lady came up to him and said, "My God! Don't you know how to apply sunscreen?" Doug laughed politely and said, "Yeah, I missed a few areas." Then, she disgustedly replied, "Well, I guess so."

But old, crabby ladies couldn't possibly ruin the vacation at the luxurious Dreams resort. (Shout out to Four Seasons Travel!) We dressed up every night to enjoy fancy food at fancy restaurants. We ate squids and snails. We listened to great live music. We took a cocktail class where we didn't learn a thing, but thoroughly enjoyed seven beautifully-poured shots with names like "Shit in the Grass." We played beach volleyball in which we middle-aged parents beat our athletic kids as pretty twenty-somethings watched in amusement. We took periodic breaks from the sun after discovering the "Core Zone." We played endless games of ping pong in which Cole clearly dominated much to his father's dismay. We played pool in which Doug clearly dominated much to his own delight. We eventually got kicked out of the gaming area, not realizing the Core Zone was only for ages 13-17. But just wait. We'd show them...

On the night before our departure, the resort held a Family Trivia Night. I insisted. As we poured into the theater, my family quickly observed the number of really young families with really young kids. So, I double-checked with the staff. "Was this event for all ages?" Absolutely. So, I grabbed the clicker and instructed the Kramfam to take seats. The game began and it was quickly evident that our ages had some advantages. Halfway through, they flashed the scores. We were slaying it. A little embarrassed, I leaned over to Doug and asked if he wanted to leave. "Screw it. Let's take it to them." Always the competitor. After 25 questions, the game ended. We had a feeling we had kept our lead up, but we had missed a few toward the end. So, we'd have to wait. However, you see, it wasn't just a simple announcement of the winner. It was a ceremony. The emcee built excitement by announcing third place winners first. A sweet little girl came up to get their family's prize. Then the second place winners were announced. Another sweet little girl came up to get their family's prize, at which point Alex skedaddled to the bathroom which was bullocks because she answered most of the questions! Then... it came. The announcement. Team Kramer had won. No one in my family would go on stage. I had to do it. Like moms do. So I sheepishly walked to the stage to collect a plethora of gifts. Maracas. A pouch. A key chain. A t-shirt. A bracelet. A pretty painting from a handicapped artist. I did end up giving most of the gifts away to kids in the audience. Except the painting. Dammit. We earned that.

Getting home was another story. Without belaboring it, we missed a connecting flight in Houston and had to stay over another night. It was a long 24 hours, but we finally made it back to Omaha. We were following a group of men that we had seen clear back at the beginning of our journey from Mexico.We were all tired. A bit delirious. Suddenly, I hear a loud "PPPPPPHST." Did that man really just break wind on us? Or, to be more accurate, did he just drop an atomic bomb? I didn't trust my hearing by that time. But I did trust my sense of smell. I looked at Doug. He looked at me. We tried like hell not to laugh. The poor guy was probably exhausted as well. Or maybe he just got really comfortable with us by that time.

So, despite the hiccups at the end of our travels, it was a top five vacation. I'll admit I was a little sad to leave. I guess that's the thing about paradise. It doesn't ever get old.

We dressed up every night. There seems to be no evidence. All beach/pool photos.

Our Colorado Adventure, Part 1

Last Sunday we took off for a family vacation. With our daughter in college and using her time off to do spring break-ish things and the rest of us doing the soccer tournament circuits for the past twenty years (it seems), the old family truckster was due for a trip – a real Clark Griswold and his gang type of trip.

We debated where to go. Then fate decided for us. Alex got an internship in Denver for the summer. The Rocky Mountains became our destination. I didn't quite know what to expect, but I was certain we'd discover majestic scenery while pacifying a mother's heart by spending more than just a few hours with our long-lost daughter.

So, we set off for the nine hour drive to Aurora where Alex dwells this summer. In the Traverse was me, Doug, Cole, and Michael (the honorary Kramer kid and soccer brother to Cole.) I decided to do a little video diary to capture our spirits. I love the anticipation of a trip! Who doesn't, right? The chance to experience a different world. The thrill of trying new things. And the simple delight of not having to respond to 100 emails in a day. I was certain our troop felt exactly the same way!

Okay. So there was just a tad bit of skepticism as we took off. (I had to cut off the end due to my son's vulgar nature.) But I wasn't deterred. As a matter of fact, within minutes of our departure, we came across the sight of two eagles! Two beautiful eagles! I couldn't help but think it was a sign of many more great things we'd see. We just had to get through Nebraska first.

We crossed through the all-too-familiar cornfields and cattle pastures. The boys continued their in-depth study of George Lucas with a Star Wars marathon. I toiled through some light summer reading – David McCulloch's 1776. And Doug took the bullet and drove. After several hours, we were never so excited to see the Colorado welcome sign! The scenery was certainly about to change.

Except that it didn't. As we drove through dry and barren plains, Doug kept repeating a line from Dumb and Dumber. "I think that John Denver was full of shit." In truth, it was a bit boring. I kind of missed Nebraska. Yet! I was still undeterred. The unremarkable nature of that scenery was offset by the anticipation of seeing the mountains and, of course, our daughter.

Eventually, we began to see the outline of the Rockies. At first, I wondered if it was my imagination. It was like seeing a pencil drawing with some light shading. Then, boom. They were there in all of their glory as if they had been waiting for our arrival – like someone else actually was: Alex!

Alas! Father and Daughter

After a full day of driving, Alex guided us to downtown Denver for some art and the first of many craft beer joints. The boys especially enjoyed the art after discovering a large painting of what appeared to be Star-Lord from Guardians of the Galaxy. Doug especially enjoyed the beer. We all loved the pizza. But my joy was more straight forward. I was happy we were all together. And I was still anticipating great things, as the first travel day seemed to indicate. And there were many great things.

In the background: Star-Lord?

There'd be adventure forcing us (mainly me) to face our fears, intense competitions, deep conversation (obviously with two 16-year-old boys), incredible scenery, a culinary splurge, and plenty of laughter. Too much for one blog post. So, I'll sign off for now. But be sure to stay tuned for the next post to read about what we found in the Garden of the Gods.

#familytrip unplugged adventure

My friend and coworker Janet Buman always come back from her family vacation with absorbing tales. I believe this to be a combination of her exuberant personality and sense of adventure. (The other day I noticed she had posted a video of herself taking a minnow-shot. That's exactly what it sounds like...a shot of alcohol hosting a live minnow.) 

Janet and her husband Jeff have three kids (Tyler-16, Justine-13 and Trey-8) and apparently  all seem to share a resourceful and undaunted spirit. With her talent for writing, I asked if she would offer her experience on my blog. I think you will all enjoy!

Buman Family Travels

Lightning, CRACK! 

The day before our annual vacation the family was just getting out of our "county fair coma" and my husband Jeff and our three kids Tyler, Justine and Trey had one day to get ready for an 11-day trip north. Lightning had just fried our TV, fridge and other items and it should have been an omen of things to come for us. 

The next day we spent the entire day at amusement/water park , but when we got to the van, our trunk was wide open!  I had my purse with cash and cards in there - partially covered by a towel - but no one had touched it! 

From then on, the unexpected turns came on fast.  We then found the side van door was opening on its own too. Then, in the middle of high-traffic Minneapolis, something large blew out of the truck in front of us. Our front tires ran it over, but it got caught before it hit the back ones, so we dragged that around for a bit before it broke free and on to the next poor soul behind us. A little while later, Trey upchucked his entire lunch. Family tradition - someone always gets sick.

Our destination was Jeff's aunts cabin in Ely, Minnesota, a place we adore. Just before getting there we received word that the cabin was inaccessible.  There had been a huge storm, there was no power, trees were downed everywhere, we wouldn't get in. I suddenly felt like a refugee. Plan B - Call Jeff's Uncle John in Wisconsin.  

We've stayed with John before in a fairly decent guest house, but due to the storm that house had no power either, so we were put up at "The Camp". It became immediately clear that no one had been habitating the camp for quite some time. It was dark, dirty and musty so we tried to do everything away from it while we were there. 

For three days we rode a boat, swam, collected clams, played mini golf, and watched a lumberjack show. For the first time I can ever remember, the kids were nice and allowed me to take the first shower. This sounds like a nice gesture, but it was actually disguised as a dare.  The water there is terrible rusty and it makes their shower look like a complete rust bucket.  I wanted to shower in my socks. I made it through, but unbeknownst to them, the water heater didn't hold too much. Justine got lukewarm water and Tyler got hypothermia.  

One thing I haven't mentioned yet were our unwelcome house guest - the ants. We tried bug spray and hung up our trash from the ceiling, but the ants told the rest of the colony we were there and they kept coming in. Finally, we received word that the roads in Ely were clear enough we could drive there, although there wasn't going to be any electricity. Oddly, this still seemed like a step up from our current conditions. The next morning we said goodbye and high tailed it out of Antville!

Once we got to our cabin in Ely, the substantial amount of downed trees was overwhelming.  Had we gotten here just one day earlier than we originally planned, our van would have certainly been smashed. Having no electricity in a cabin really wasn't that bad, it was the lack of water turned out to be the area we had to get a little creative. For every 5 gallon bucket of water we needed to flush the toilet, Jeff had to haul lake water up and down a small hill. The water is pristine and we washed dishes with it and used a lot of bottled water for everything else.  

We made a 40 mile round trip every day getting the provisions we needed, such as food and ice. Jeff  made all our food on a wood fired grill and at night we ate by the light of the LED and our cell phone lights.  Every year that we've been to Ely I organize a scavenger hunt and this year Jeff threw in his own game, a Treasure Hunt. We had the kids on the hunt for clues, figuring out cryptic codes and messages. We played games inside went to bed listening to the loud hum of the mosquitoes outside. 

If we wanted to bathe - we had to take a 'lake shower'.  If I had known that the shower I had in Minneapolis was going to be the best real shower I would have in nine days, I would have enjoyed it more. Justine worked out a two-person system for washing her hair in a bucket so we all followed her method. 

We had better luck on the way home with our accommodations. But, the van doors were still opening on their own in ghostly fashion, we had a wheel bearing going out, and plus, the van was just really dirty. I spent time researching a new vehicle on the way home. 

When I tell people our tales of no power, water, ants and tree destruction, most say it must have been a bad experience. In fact, it was quite the opposite. We became resourceful and embraced the adventure together. One week later, we had already purchased another family van complete with extra storage space so we can carry all of our stuff up to the cabin again next year.

#familyvacation2016

There's rarely a day I don't have at least one fleeting thought about vacation. Where to next? Should we go there again? Kids or no kids? These questions have been frequenting my mind more so than usual lately. Maybe it's because...I just got back!

The fam dashed off to Kansas City where we 1) witnessed an MLS soccer game for the first time in 150 degree weather, 2) cheered on the unlucky world champions known as the Royals, and 3) took a sprint through the Plaza that could hardly qualify as shopping. While the trip was short, it was meticulously calculated to ensure a little something for everyone. For the most part, we achieved that goal. And I found myself contemplating how to ensure a successful family vaca. Here are some thoughts:

• Mediators (aka moms) are a necessity and must have the skill set to offer quick and multiple options for recreation. E.g, bar with cold beer, theater with funny movie, the modern jazz museum. (Always throw in that one thing you know your family will reject. It will make other options seem grand.)
• Kids have vastly different room standards than parents. Apparently in the eyes of the youth, all hotel rooms are penthouses, no matter how much hair decorates the bathroom.
• Shopping, even in its most basic form, can be achieved as long as the following statement is issued with conviction: "Ooh. I need to stop in Sephora. I'm out of ________." Fill in the blank with any phantom product. (zitsbegone. makemesmellgood. mickjaggerlipbalm.)
• You can never have enough phone chargers.
• Sleeping in the closest of quarters is one of the greatest tests of a family's love for each other. And love doesn't reflect itself as you stake your place on a bed made for 1.5 people.
• Workout clothing are appropriate for any event. THIS IS THE BEST FOR SURE! As a GenXer, I still require my kids to bring one set of nice clothes. For Cole, this means a shirt that isn't from a sports camp.
• You will never, ever pack everything you need. But pack your necessities first: migraine medicine and Breathe-Rights.
• Immediately locate the Best Buy when you need to purchase a new phone charger. Pokemon Go sucks...an alarming amount of juice.
• Someone is going to get cranky. In the words of Elsa, let it go. Let it go quickly and don't forget that oh-so-important bar option.
• Make sure everyone has the Snapfish app, so you can all download the pictures each of you took on your separate phones. (Wow! A real tip.)
• Vacation is the best time to allow nostalgia to set in. Listening to your kids retell memories of past trips gives you just a wisp of comfort in that perhaps you aren't such a bad parent.

I do love vacations. But I must confess. One of my favorite parts of traveling is coming home. I love the security of our comfy abode, and the fact I will undoubtedly sleep comfortably in our king-sized bed. I love picking up the dog from boarding to discover he does have the ability smell good. I love coming home and realizing how much I love coming home.

Siblings on vaca now.

Siblings on vaca then.

The Magic of Disney

We're coming down from a Disney high.

Seven days in Orlando - this time with a four day pass to Universal Studios to visit our beloved Wizarding World of Harry Potter. And while it didn't disappoint, we found ourselves wasting one-full day's pass to opt for you know who. Mickey Mouse. There really is magic in those walls of Disney. Eagle's lyrics kept drifting through my mind (especially as Doug couldn't seem to find the exits). "You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave..."

I couldn't help but feel a bit sad about leaving. With kids the ages of 9 and 13, could this be my last hurrah at Magic Kingdom? Princesses. Fairy tales. Happy endings. We even coerced Doug to endure Tangled in 3D. It was quite delightful. Just ask Doug.

Today Alex and I watched two more Disney animated films. Then we thumbed through photos of our vacation - as if it had taken place years ago. Apparently, I need Disney to remind me that you're never too old to dream. On my last trip to Orlando, I started collected these figurines - Tinker Bell has a saying on her platform: "Let Your Dreams Blossom." I've had this sitting in my room for a few years now, but you know how you forget to look at the precious things you already have?

Actually, the sun didn't even shine in Orlando for the last few days. But it was shining in Iowa - just as we arrived home on Friday. So, I think that God was telling us that dreams can come true anywhere...as long as you believe.

Thoughts after first day of vaca:

-Direct flights are sublime. Feeling slightly superior than those poor souls who must connect through Dallas.


-While I was slightly charmed that my hubby beat me at the addicting word scramble games while biding our time on the plane, I sort of wanted to thrash him on the head with the Kindle. C'mon! I'm supposed to be the brains. He's supposed to be the brawn.

-Will I ever ever ever ever ever grow sick of Mcdonalds? Me thinks... only if they discontinue their fries.

-Did you know that it's a faux pas to use the term "befriend" when considering such matters like Facebook. Apparently, I need to train my brain to think of friending as a verb. If I want to sound cool anyway.

-Our family travel habits have become uncannily blended. I eat a ton more meat, and Doug has already started planning our next trip (a definite role reversal). Alex has picked up Cole's tendency to "want stuff". And Cole has picked up Alex's penchant for...wanting stuff. Quite the role reversal there as well.



Off to our first full day of roller coasters, sugar highs, a few beers (hopefully), probably a headache and certainly loads of laughs.



TTFN (Tigger-ease for Ta Ta for now)

Polynesian Parenting

A week ago, Hawaii was Tsunami-free and my family was just getting ready to enjoy a whale-watching tour. (Alex would argue the verb "enjoy" as sea-sickness overtook her.) Apparently, our timing was pretty darn good and we are all still basking in the warm memories of the trip.

Rather than bore you with more details of paradise, I thought I'd share a new discipline technique that we picked up in Maui.

No sand to bury your kids? Get creative. If you live in the Midwest, there is a plenty o' snow to go round...