Pride, in the Name of Love

Alex came out to us three years ago during her junior year in college. While I had always told our kids that it truly didn't matter to us whether they were gay or not, the announcement took me by surprise. I wasn't upset with her, obviously. I was more upset by the fact that I hadn't known all along. Shouldn't a parent have an inkling about these things? I mean, my goodness, what about those crushes on Nick Jonas and Rami Malek? Or those guys she dated in college? The ones we never met? Or never wanted to meet us?

Love the hair. Love the girl.

Needless to say, Alex has taken a painful journey which included a fair amount of Catholic guilt and therapy. It can take a lot of courage to admit to yourself who you really are. No one comes out of the closet because it will make their life easier. They come out to live a more authentic life. If there's one thing I do know about Alex, she's as authentic as they come, despite the smurf-blue hair.

Why bring this up now? Three years after the fact? Well, I usually focus on feel-good topics for this blog. I wasn't quite sure how to weave this topic in. And truthfully, I didn't want anyone to judge my darling daughter. But something happened this week that makes me compelled to write about it.

Doug, Alex and I were FaceTiming this week when our normal light-hearted conversation turned serious in a hurry. (I won't go into the details of why our talk turned, but it was a bit on the political side.) Anyway, through the course of the discussion, Alex told us some terrible things that have happened to her and terrible things that have been said to her. Crushing things. As a parent, there's nothing worse than the feeling that you can no longer protect your child from hate or evil in the world. I was sickened and heartbroken over the fear she lives in–a fear that she bravely faces every day.

Then she told me something that made me completely upset with myself.

At one time Alex asked if I would walk with her during PRIDE. Apparently, I told her "That's your thing, not mine." I don't remember saying this, but I'm guessing I came across that I didn't want to be associated as gay. What a jerk thing to say. I didn't mean to say that I didn't support her. I'm just not a big parade, demonstrator type person (unless of course, it's a Disney parade, but that goes without saying.) But what Alex heard was, "You live in your gay world. I'll live in mine." She didn't push the issue, but I clearly hurt her feelings without realizing it.

I will support and defend our kids to the end of the earth as long as they strive to do good and treat people with respect. Alex works for a non-profit organization that helps sex trafficking victims. She has strong convictions about eliminating oppression. She intends to dedicate her career to fighting injustices. How can I not be proud of that? I'm not only proud of the work she does, but of the person she is whether that be gay, lesbian, bisexual, straight, transgender or non-binary. And if you don't understand some of those categories, that's okay. My hope is you don't judge or hate anyone who identifies as something different than yourself. My hope is that we can all learn to love and accept each other. And, certainly, that should begin with your family.

Alex, sign us up for the next PRIDE event.

God Bless and Peace.