Thoughts on Tinkling

Upon exiting the grocery store this evening, I rushed my family to the car with the pained knowledge that a twenty minute drive would be endured before my bladder could experience a euphoric sense of freedom.

"Why don't you just use the bathroom in the grocery store, Mom?" Alex asked in her intelligent sort of way.

Good question, my astute daughter. However, if you must know, the grocery store (any grocery store, really) is my least favorite place to pee.

Other locales that don't make my favorite place to powder my nose?

• Any sporting event (baseball games to be specific). The younger the team, the worse the facility. And if toddlers with dirty t-shirts are playing around the area, just forget it. What is that liquid you slosh through in your flip-flops to get to the dark, abysmal latrines anyway? Sewer backup or it is, you know, that dirty kid's pee? It can't possibly be water from the faucet that had absolutely no pressure whatsoever.
• Target. Love the store. But the restrooms are a haven for the poopers. It must have something to do with the time of day shoppers make it to the store. Right after they've just finished their riblet basket at Applebee's? I'm just guessing. Maybe next time I'll ask the girl in the next stall what she ate for lunch.
• My son's bathroom. Enough said.
• My mother-in-law's bathroom. But not for the same reasons as not wanting to go in my son's toilet. Obviously, her toilet is as clean as a whistle. I honestly can't explain why I don't like going in there. Maybe it's because I feel inferior since there are absolutely no rings in her toilet. None. Nada. And I guess I don't want her to think that I ever pee.

Now, when I need to use the loo, I prefer to be in the sanctity of my own sweet bathroom, the one attached to our bedroom. But there are other honorable mentions:

• Johnny's Italian Restaurant. Ah, the ladies' room takes me back to the 1940's, despite being born in '69. Yes, a true powder room indeed.
• My mom's bathroom. Still love to look at all her cosmetics and jewelry. I try not leave a mess. Really, Mom.
• The stalls at work. Because I've developed this tea-drinking habit, the restroom at work has become quite a place of comfort for me...especially in the morning. While I used to feel guilty about my visits, it's really something I can't help. Besides it gives me a little exercise and like my husband says, "Who cares? At least you're getting paid for it."

Well, enough about this. I need to go. I mean, I need to GO!