Tales about Tails: A Day on the Kramer Ranch

Our empty nest was pleasantly rumpled this past weekend! Not only were we reunited with our daughter and son, but we ran into a few other guests as well.

This story really begins with the loss of a dog in December –– a dog whose digging wasn't appreciated for it's ability to deter. 

Fast forward through some cold and windy months in which the only yard work completed has been the removal of Christmas lights.

It's Saturday, April 23rd. The kids are home and the temperature indicates no winter coat necessary. It's our last day together as a family for a while. Everyone is campaigning for Dad's famous grilled steaks for lunch. The problem, as most of you can guess, is the wind. Not to be outwitted by the weather, Doug and Cole move the grill to our front stoop.

Doug's first move is to re-arrange one of my unplanted flower pots. So he does. And out comes a giant bird who has been gnawing on some dead earth worms. No one but Doug sees the bird, but it's described as tall, fast and scary. I have my theories as to the species. It takes a lot to make my hubby jump.

In the meantime, Alex and Cole are in the kitchen with me quoting movies and brainstorming cocktail concoctions while preparing potatoes. You know, "boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew."

Unbeknownst to us, there's commotion on the stoop.

Doug is cleaning corn husks out of the grill only to find something even scarier than a bird: a mouse. Speedy Gonzales manages to jump on the ledge with Doug on his tail. He finds refuge under my copper water hose pot. Doug lifts it to find the mouse...along with an unlikely mate: a bull snake. Not a bird. Not a mouse. A bull-freaking snake. 

No need to discuss the fate of Speedy and snake, but let's just say only the bird escaped.

On to the next day on the farm: one kid has gone back to Denver. Cole and I decide to accompany Doug on his cow chores to admire the new babies, which of course, never disappoint. With the temperature dipping, Doug decides he needs to move his sprayer and tractor in the machine shed. Cole and I can help guide him as he rearranges equipment. We set up. Cole goes toward the back of the shed. I stay toward the front. Doug is backing up and I'm doing my job, watching closely and motioning him back. He yells something at me which I can't hear. I assume he's wondering if he's on the right track. I nod and keep waving him on. Then he yells something again. I'm thinking he's trying to tell me something beyond the task at hand.

"What?" I yell back to him. 

Then I hear one garbled word from his mouth.

Skunk.

Skunk?

"There's a skunk right next to you!"

I don't look. I don't dare. I skedaddle my way out to safety in approximately 1.5 seconds. 

Why Pepe Le Pew doesn't spray any of us? I don't know. Perhaps we already smell badly enough. Perhaps Pepe doesn't sense any threat from my helpful mannerisms. Perhaps Pepe heard about the mouse and snake and doesn't want to press his luck.

No matter. If there's anything we have learned from this past weekend, it's not about the importance of spending quality time on the farm with the family to experience wildlife. It's purely the fact that we need a dog.

And that we've raised a useless cat.